| There is this corner bar that has three entrances, one on each street, and one on the corner. A drunk walks into one entrance, and bartender refuses to serve him, telling him he is too drunk. So, the drunk leaves, stumbles down to the corner where he finds the second entrance. He enters again, and is refused service again. He stares at the bartender, falls back out into the street, turns the corner, and finds the third entrance. He goes back into the bar, sees the bartender, and stops dead in his tracks. After studying the bartender for a long moment, he exclaims, "Good grief! Do you own all the bars in town?" |
| A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?" "Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man. "Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied. The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch all the fish?" |
| "Anyone with 'needs' to be prayed over, come forward, to the front at the altar," the Preacher said. Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?" Leroy replies, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a blue streak for Leroy; the whole congregation joined in with enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?" Leroy says, "I don't know, Reverend, it ain't 'til next Wednesday." |
| An old man goes to his doctor, complaining about a pain in his leg that doesn't heal and wants a diagnosis and explanation. The doctor checks out his leg, but can't find anything wrong. So he gives the old guy a full physical exam, and still can't come up with any possible explanation for the pain. The doctor hands the patient his bill and says, "I'm sorry but the pain in your leg is simply caused by old age, there's nothing I can do about it." The old man replies with a look of disbelief, "That's impossible! That can't be!" The Doctor says, `What do you mean? I'm the expert here; if you know so much, how can you say it's NOT old age?" The patient answers, "I'm no doctor but it doesn't take a medical degree to tell that your diagnosis is wrong. Clearly you're mistaken. After all my other leg feels just fine." "So what?" says the doctor "What difference does that make?" "Well it doesn't hurt a bit, and it's the SAME AGE!" |