| Sarah and Abe are out celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary. During the evening, Sarah broaches the subject of (their) life insurance, an issue she has been raising with him for at least 10 years, without success. "Abe," she says, with tears in her eyes, "I don't think you love me." "Why do you think that?" he asks. "Because if you really loved me, you would ensure that if anything happened to you, God forbid, I would be properly provided for." "Sarah," he says angrily, "I need life insurance like I need a hole in the head." "I know your views," says Sarah, "but I've spoken to two of my friends recently and they tell me that their husbands have life insurance and they're not as rich as you. If it's good enough for them, why isn't it good enough for you?" "I'll tell you why," replies Abe. "It's because they've been paying high premiums month after month, and what have they got so far in return? Nothing!" "So what if their husbands have been paying for nothing?" says Sarah. "You've always told me I'm luckier than my friends - who knows, maybe this time I'll strike it rich." |
| Two couples went out golfing together. The men hit first from the men's tee and walked with the ladies to their tee box. The first lady took a mighty swing at the ball, missing it completely, while passing some gas rather loudly in the process. No one commented. She addressed the ball again but this time she passed just little gas as she made contact with the ball, topping it and moving it only a short distance. She said, "I wonder why it didn't go any further?" One of the men said, "I don't think you gave it enough gas." |
| Mike goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, he says, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed I think there is somebody under it. I get under the bed and I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, under top. I'm going crazy!! Can you help me? "Put yourself in my hands for two years, come to me three times a week and I'll cure you," says the shrink. `OK, but how much do you charge for this? asks Mike." "A hundred dollars per visit," says the psychiatrist. And Mike replies, "I'll think about it." He never went back. Some time later he met the doctor on the street. "Why didn't you come to see me again?` asks the psychiatrist. "$100.00 a visit," Mike says. "Why should I want to pay a hundred bucks a visit? My bartender cured me 100% for just ten dollars." "Is that so!" says the shrink. "Just how did he do that?" And Mike says, "He told me to cut the legs off my bed." |
| The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!" The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?" The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody." |