| A difficult independent 75-year-old woman liked sitting by the park feeding the pigeons. One day she brought with her a whole loaf of fresh bread just to feed her daily company. Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy. She sat there without being noticed by anyone in the rich suburban neighborhood. Then suddenly a man in his early 40's rained on her parade by telling her that she shouldn't throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere when there are a lot of people starving in Africa. She replied in crazed anger and without hesitation, "Well, hell, I can't throw that far!" |
| A man gets stopped by a game warden with his basket full of fish. Warden: Do you have a permit for all these fish? Man: No sir. These are all my pet fish. Warden: Your pet fish? How's that? Man: Well, every night I take all my pet fish for a walk to the lake, I let them swim for about half an hour and then I whistle and they all come back and jump in my basket and we go home. We do this every night. Warden: Well, that's just a crock of lies!! Man: Here, I'll show you... (Releases the fish in the lake) Warden: Well, this I've got to see!! 5 minutes later... Warden: Well? Man: Well what? Warden: The fish! Where's your pet fish?? Man: What fish? |
| A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same hat." "Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table." "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot. One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another. After a week the parrot said, "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?" |
| The son of a financier bursts into his father's office and says, "Dad, lend me $5,000." "What for?" his father asks. "I've got a sure tip on the market." "How much could we make?" his father asks. "I'd say at least $2,000 - that's $1,000 for each of us." "OK, son. Here's $1,000," his father said. "Let's consider that we have made the deal and it has succeeded. You make $1,000 and I save $4,000." |