| Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way. Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks her husband, "Darling, honestly, if you didn't know me, what age would you say I am?" Looking over her carefully, Andy replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five." "Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. Just as she was about to tell Andy his reward, he stops her by saying, "WHOA, hold on there sweety!" Andy interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet!" |
| Chap goes in to a bar and orders a vodka and coke. Barman serves him. Man drinks it orders another. This goes on for a while, until the chap begins to slow down. Barman asks, "Is there anything the matter, sir?" Chap replies, "I had an enormous argument with the wife. She said she won't speak to me for a month. I have to sleep on the sofa." Barman says, "Best bet is to stop drinking, go home, and don't let this argument carry on passed the first night. Nip it in the bud." Chap says, "You don't understand. This is the last night." |
| I recently met a Chinese man and his name was Kanna Swami. I asked him, "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?" He said, "Many, many years ago when I first went to USA. I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. "The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil refugee. The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked, 'What is your name?' He replied, 'Kannaswami.' "Then she looked at me and asked, 'What's your name?' "I said, 'Sem Ting.'" |
| Cecil and Morris are walking to services and Cecil asks, "I wonder whether it would be all right to smoke while praying?" "Why don't you ask the rabbi?" says Morris. Cecil sees Rabbi Golden and asks, "Rabbi, is it permissible for me to smoke while I pray?" "No, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion and traditions!" quickly answers the rabbi. Cecil goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Rabbi told him. "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try." Morris goes over to the rabbi and asks, "Rabbi, will it be ok if I pray while I smoke?" To which Rabbi Golden eagerly replies, "By all means, my good man. By all means." |