| A man and wife were playing in their club's annual 'Guys and Dolls' tournament. The man was not happy about having to play, but his wife insisted. On the 12th tee, his patience had reached its limit. While his wife wasted time on the ladies tee, he decided to go ahead and hit his drive from the men's. Unfortunately, he misjudged his shot and his ball hit his wife in the back of the head, killing her instantly. At the hospital the doctor came to talk to the husband. "Mr. Davies, we found a golf ball lodged three inches into your wife's brain, which was the cause of death. But, we have found something else that really puzzles us." "What is it?" asked Mr. Davies. "Well," said the doctor, "We also found a golf ball lodged six inches into her anal cavity." The husband dismissed the doctor with a wave of his hand "Oh, that was my second tee shot!" |
| An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband." His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, when he came home, kissed his wife and said offhandedly, "Nice flowers, honey. Where'd you get them?" |
| "Your Honor," she told the judge, "I want a divorce. My husband has been cheating on me." "That is a serious accusation," the judge said. "Do you have any evidence to substantiate this claim of your husband's infidelity?" "Yes, Your Honor. Just last night I was walking down Broadway when I saw him go into a movie with another woman." "Who was this other woman?" the judge asked. "I don't know. I never saw her before." "Then why didn't you follow them into the theatre and find out who she was. It may have been just a harmless coincidence. You should have gone in after them." "I would have," she explained, "but the fellow I was with had already seen the picture." |
| A bloke went into a pub, sat down at the bar and ordered five pots. The barman wondered since he was alone, but served up the five pots. And the bloke downed them all... one, two, three, four, five. As he finished the last one, he called to the barman and ordered four more. The barman served up four pots and the bloke downed them... one, two, three, four. He belched, swayed a little on his stool, but ordered three more. And again he knocked them back... one, two, three. "Two potsh, mate!" he called. The barman served him two pots and down they went... one, two. "One pot, sssir!" The barman served him one but the bloke just sat there, staring at it, trying to focus. Then he told the barman, "You know, it'sh ssstrange, but the lesssh I drink, the drunker I feel!" |