| Prior to taking retirement and selling off his land, a farmer needed to get rid of all the animals he owned, so he decided to call on every house in his village. At houses where the man was the boss, he gave a horse; at houses where the woman was the boss, he gave a chicken. Approaching one cottage, he saw a couple gardening and called out, "Who's the boss around here?" "I am," said the man. The farmer said, "I have a black horse and a brown horse. Which one would you like?" The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one." "No, no, get the brown one," said his wife. The farmer said, "Here's your chicken." |
| Two men walking their dogs met outside a bar. After chatting a while, one suggested they go inside for a drink. The man with the Chihuahua said, "Good idea, but the sign says 'No Dogs'." The man with the golden retriever smiled and said, "No problem. Follow me and do what I do." As he entered the bar, the bartender yelled, "Hey, buddy, no dogs allowed in here!" The guy replied, "Oh, he's my seeing-eye dog." So the bartender relented, but then he spotted the other guy. "I'm sorry, sir, but no dogs are allowed in my bar." The second guy echoed the first, "But he's my seeing-eye dog." The bartender looked skeptical, "Your seeing-eye dog is a Chihuahua?" "What! They gave me a Chihuahua?!" |
| A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint. The lizard looks up and says, "Hey! What's up?" The monkey says, "Smoking a joint, come... join me." Both Have few joints together. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river. At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side. He then asks the lizard, `What's the matter with you?!" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with the monkey and his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in! The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says, "Hey, MONKEY!" The Monkey looks down and says, "O Teri... Abey Pyase... Tu Kitna Pani Piya Re???? |
| A plane made an emergency landing on water. The stewardess asked the passengers to slide down to the lifeboats, but the passengers refused. The stewardess then asked the captain to help. The captain being very knowledgeable and experienced, guided her: Tell the Americans this is an ADVENTURE. Tell the British this is an HONOUR. Tell the French this is a ROMANTIC activity, and tell the Germans this is the LAW. Tell the Japanese this is an ORDER, and everyone will be sorted out. Stewardess: Can I convince the Pakistanis ??? Captain: Yes dear, just whisper, 'This is a suicide mission'. And what about the Singaporeans? stewardess persisted. The captain, taking a deep breath, patiently explained: You need not tell the Singaporeans anything, my dear. Once they see a QUEUE , they will join it without questions. Stewardess remembered the flight had some passengers from India. And Captain, what about Indians, she asked. The captain laughed and said: Easy. Just tell the Indians this activity is FREE. |