| With airlines adding fees to fees, The Week magazine asked its readers to predict the next surcharge they'll levy for something previously free. 1. In the unlikely event of loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down. To start the flow of oxygen, simply insert your credit card. 2. $100 On-Time Departure Fee; $25 Delay Complaint Fee. 3. View seating (formerly window seats), $10; Access seating (formerly aisle seats), $10 $20 to use roll-away stairs to enter or exit the aircraft in lieu of no-charge rope-ladder alternative. 4. $9 fee for bumping your head on the overhead bin as you take your seat; $3 additional penalty for looking up at the bin after you bump into it. |
| During his routine medical check, Paddy asked the doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life ?" "I don't know", said the doctor, "Mercury is in Uranus right now." Paddy said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense." "Neither do I", replied the doctor, "My thermometer just broke in your ass." |
| Stock markets are in a tailspin and investors are not sure where to put their money. It's definitely not a time for conventional methods. So here's some stock market terms whose meanings have been revised to make them more up-to-date. BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. BROKER: What my broker has made me. STANDARD & POOR: Your life in a nutshell. STOCK ANALYST: Idiot who just downgraded your stock. STOCK SPLIT: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. FINANCIAL PLANNER: A guy whose phone has been disconnected. MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy stocks. CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. YAHOO: What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. WINDOWS: What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share. INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. PROFIT: An archaic word no longer in use. |
| Two engineering students are waiting to give their oral viva test. The first student's turn comes, and he goes inside. External: Suppose you are traveling by a train, and suddenly it gets hot, what will you do? Student: I will open the window. External: Great, now suppose that the area of the window is 1.5 sq.m and the volume of the compartment is 12 m3, the train is traveling at 80 km/hr in a Westerly direction and the speed of the wind is 5 m/s from the South, then how much time will it take for the compartment to get cold? The student can't answer, so he is marked fail and he comes out. After coming out he tells that question to the second student. The second student goes in and his viva starts. External: Suppose you are traveling by a train, and suddenly it gets hot, what will you do? 2nd Student: I will remove my coat. External: It still is hot, then what? Student: I will remove my shirt. External (angrily): If it still is hot, then what will you do? Student: I will remove my pant. External (Fuming): And what if you die due to the heat? Student: Sir, Mar Jaunga But Woh Khidki Nahi Kholunga! |