| FAQs on single-source double-mutant triple-helix Corona variant in India.... Q. Why curfew from 8pm to 7am? A. Due to rising temperatures with the onset of summer, Corona likes to step out when it gets cool. Hence the curfew. Q. Is it safe to attend Kumbh Mela? A. Yes. Corona is afraid of religion and does not attack the lakhs who gather to pray to God. Q. Is it safe to attend political rallies? A. Absolutely. Corona is terrified of politicians, especially the ones who occupy the highest posts. Q. Why are only 20 people or less allowed at cremations? A. Cremations generate lot of heat, which weakens the virus. It tries to escape by jumping from one person to the other. Research has shown that a critical mass of 21 or more people ensures survival of the virus. Hence the restriction of 20. Q. Why are only 50 people or less allowed at weddings? A. Indian weddings generate lot of sound & light, which scares the virus (as proved by the PM last year). The virus requires a critical mass of 51 or more people to survive. Q. Why does Corona not attack crowded buses? A. The virus has mutated and acquired human qualities. It hates road traffic and avoids buses due to the longer commute. Hence crowded buses are safe. Q. Are local trains dangerous? A. Yes. Corona prefers trains due to the quick commute. Also, the virus enjoys the breeze when standing on the footboard. Q. Does online shopping prevent Corona? A. Yes. Corona is not able to jump on to fast moving motorcycles and hence does not reach your home. Q. Why does Corona not attack slum dwellers & infects only high society residents? A. Corona has collaborated with hospitals and labs and targets only highly remunerative markets. Q. Does lockdown help? A. Indeed it does. Corona hangs around outside the door, waiting for people to step out to pick the newspaper, get the milk, go outside etc. Hence lockdown protects you by ensuring you stay inside your home. Note that Corona never enters your home from under the door, it has a high ego it stays outside till you go out and invite it in. Q. Can I see Covid? A. Covid is like Maya. It is everywhere & it is nowhere. Stay home. Stay safe. Stay mad. |
| A Chinese man boarded a flight to Chicago and promptly sat down on the first seat he encountered. He was soon told that seat was reserved for flight attendants.
With his limited English he did not fully understand what he was told but hand signals soon got him to move a little further back. Soon there was another person persuading him to move out of first class. Again he moved further back. There was yet another discussion and he took no further chances and went to the very last seat in the tourist section. Some time later a flight attendant asked him if he was 'for coffee'? Furious he replied, "You foh coffee, I stayah hee." |
| A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth. "Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out." The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer. "Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now." |
| Every morning, the CEO of a major bank in Manhattan went to the corner where a shoeshine man was always there. He used to sit on the chair, read the Wall Street Journal, and the humble shoeshine man gave his shoes a shiny, great look. One morning, the shoeshine man asks the CEO: What do you think of the stock market situation? The Director arrogantly asks him: Why are you so interested in this subject? The shoeshine man replies: I have a million dollars invested in your bank and I am thinking about investing part of the money in the stock market. The CEO of the bank asks: What is your name? He replies: John Smith H. The Director arrives at the bank and asks the Manager of the Major Accounts Department: Do we have a customer named John Smith H.? The Customer Service Manager for Major Accounts replies: We certainly do, Sir! He is an extremely esteemed customer! He has a million dollars in his account. The CEO leaves the bank, approaches the shoeshine boy, and says: Mr. Smith, I would like to invite you to be our guest of honor at our board meeting next Monday and tell us your life story. I'm sure we will have a lot to learn from you. At the board meeting, the CEO introduces him to the board members: We all know Mr. Smith, who makes our shoes shine like no one else. But Mr. Smith is also our valued customer, with a million dollars in his account. I invited him to tell us the story of his life. I'm sure we can learn a lot from him. Please, Mr. Smith, tell us your life story. Then, Mr. Smith began to narrate his story: I came to this country fifty years ago as a young immigrant from Europe and with a weird and unpronounceable name. I left the ship penniless in my pocket. The first thing I did was to change my name to Smith. I was hungry and exhausted. I started to wander in search for a job, but without success. Suddenly, I found a coin on the sidewalk. I bought some apples. Eat the apples and quench my hunger or start a business. I sold the apples for 50 cents and bought more apples with the money. When I started accumulating dollars, I managed to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polishes and started cleaning shoes. I didn't spend a dime on fun or clothes. I only bought bread and cheese to survive. I saved penny by penny and after a while I bought a new set of brushes and shoe polishes in different shades and colors and increased my clientele. I lived like a monk and saved a penny after penny. After a while, I managed to buy a chair so that my customers could sit comfortably while I cleaned their shoes, which brought me more customers. I didn't spend a dime on the pleasures of life. I kept saving every penny. A few years ago, when the corner shoeshine colleague decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his point, which was a better place than mine. Finally, three months ago, my sister, who was a whore in Chicago, passed away and left me a million dollars.... |