| I was listening to a lady who called a radio pastor. The pastor was a wise, grandfatherly gentleman who has that calm reassuring voice that can melt all fear. The lady, who was obviously crying, said, "Pastor, I was born blind, and I've been blind all my life. I don't mind being blind but I have some well meaning friends who tell me that if I had more faith I could be healed." The pastor asked her, "Tell me, do you carry one of those white canes?" "Yes I do," she replied. "Then the next time someone says that hit them over the head with the cane," He said. "Then tell them 'If you had more faith that wouldn't hurt!'" |
| The crumbling, old church building needed remodeling, so the preacher made an impassioned appeal, looking directly at the richest may in town. At the end of the message, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1,000." Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood again and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000." Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again, and again he virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge." He sat down, and an larger chunk of plaster fell hitting him on the head. He stood once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!" This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!" |
| In a church one Sunday morning a preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front of the altar." With that, Peter got in line and when it was his turn the Preacher asked, "Peter, what do you want me to pray about for you?" He replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The preacher put one finger of one hand on Peter's ear, placed his other hand on top of Peter's head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Peter, how is your hearing now?" Peter answered, "I don't know. My hearing is actually next Thursday in the magistrate court." |
| Down in the south, there are many churches known as "answer back" churches. When the preacher says something, the congregation naturally replies. One Sunday, a preacher was speaking on what it would take for the church to become better. He said, "If this church is to become better, it must take up it's bed, and walk." The congregation said, "Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk." Encouraged by their response, he went further. "If this church is going to become better, it will have to throw aside it's hindrances and run!" The congregation replied, "Let it run, preacher, let it run!" Now really into his message, he spoke stronger. "If this church really wants to become great, it will have to take up it's wings and fly!" "Let it fly, Preacher, let it fly!" the congregation shouts. The Preacher gets louder. "If this church is going to fly, it will cost money!" The congregation replied, "Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk." |