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Alia Bhatt Trolls...
Interviewer: Alia, according to you, which is the best team in IPL 7 so far?
Alia Bhatt: Sunrisers Hyderabad because all have orange caps.
Deepika: Will you come to see my Chennai Express?
Alia: No! IRCTC site is not working.
Alia Bhatt is so dumb that she thought Pani Puri, Sev Puri are all relatives of Amrish Puri.
Chetan Bhagat: What's the opposite of IIT?
Alia: U UCoffee.
Arnab: What's the first name of Modi?
Alia: Abki Baar.
Aamirv Khan: How did India get Indipendence?
Alia: When you hit a six against England. Mahesh Bhaat: Vote dene chalein?
Alia Bhaat: Papa aap miss call karke bhi vote de sakthe hain, maine kal DID mein dekha tha...!!!
Einstein says: Be friends with Alia Bhatt and feel like a genius all the time!
Scene: Alia Bhatt on KBC
Q. Alia, which of the following is the largest?
A. A Peanut
B. An Elephant
C. The Moon
D. A Kettle
Alia: It's B. An Elephant...
Alia Bhatt in Arnab Goswami's studio
Arnab Goswami: Alia, Who will win the elections?
Alia: Aam aadmi party because its 'aam' ka season.
Scene: Alia Bhatt on Koffee With Karan. Karan: Alia, who was the first person to climb Mount Everest?
Alia: Simple, the person who made it.
Scene: Boman Irani asks Alia
Boman: Alia do you know MS office?
Alia: If you tell me the address I ll know.
Scene: Alia Bhatt on Koffee With Karan (rapid fire)
Karan: Alia which food do you love the most?
Alia: Desi.
Karan: And which dish?
Alia: Pasta. -
Big Fart
At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush strode to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen.
They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white horses.
As they rode toward Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all was going well. This was indeed a glorious display of pageantry and dignity.
Suddenly the scene was shattered when the right rear horse let rip the most horrendous, earth-shattering, eye-smarting blast of flatulence, and the coach immediately filled with noxious fumes.
Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two dignitaries did their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decided that was a ridiculous manner with which to handle a most embarrassing situation.
She turned to Mr. Bush and explained, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things even a Queen cannot control."
Bush replied, "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something I would have assumed it was one of the horses." -
New Cadillac
The Pakistani President, Gen Pervez Musharraf, is visiting his friend, U.S. President George Bush, in Washington, DC.
The U.S. President offers a gift to his guest. "Here you go, Mush" says Bush. "Try out this shiny new Cadillac. It's their finest model."
"Thank you, Mr. President, but I cannot accept this magnificent gift," replies the Musharraf.
"Oh. I understand about gift limits. I understand the problems you are having in Pakistan with your non-profit associations. Ok then ... give me a half dollar for it. Then it won't be a gift," replies Bush. Musharraf gives Bush a dollar.
"I don't have any change ... too bad," says the President.
"No big deal... you'll just give me two Cadillacs" retorts Musharraf. -
Loyal soldiers!
A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, when they came across a badly mangled dead body. As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier.
A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to breathe. They ran to him, cradled his bruised head and asked him what had happened.
"Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth when I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash!'
He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'George W. Bush is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash too!' We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."