| Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. |
| Any car can be a collector car, if you collect it. |
| I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. |
| Disneyland is the only people trap operated by a mouse. |
| Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. |
| Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. |
| I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. |
| If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts. |
| The best way to lie is to tell the truth carefully edited truth. |
| I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife. |