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~ Bobcat GoldthwaitIf you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me! -
~ Mark TwainAdam was the only man who, when he said a good thing, knew that nobody had said it before him. -
~ G. K. ChestertonI believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. -
~ Ogden NashThe trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat. -
~ Cassandra Clare, City of BonesIf you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now. -
![Minor surgery is surgery someone else is having.]()
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~ Carl J. CookMinor surgery is surgery someone else is having. -
~ Phyllis DillerI want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. Funny / Children / Materialism -
~ Ronald ReaganRecession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. -
~ Graham NortonStraight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do. -
~ Steven WrightI got food poisoning today. Don't know when I'll use it though.
