| Death is a once in a lifetime experience. |
| Life is like a box of chocolates. It's full of nuts. |
| May your life be like toilet paper... Long and useful. |
| Happiness is just an illusion caused by the temporary absence of reality. |
| Life can only be understood backwards but it must be lived forwards. |
| By the time a man realizes that his father was usually right, he has a son who thinks he's usually wrong. |
| Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones. |
| The problem with reality is a lack of background music. |
| I've always wanted to be somebody, but now I see I should have been more specific. |
| Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat, word for word, what you shouldn't have said. |