Sonia Chopra

Director: Vikram Bhatt
Cast: Aftab Shivdasani, Celina Jaitely, Sushant Singh and Amrita Arora
Rating: *

The title is appropriate, because that's exactly what the audience sees after watching the film. And their anger is justified – a tired plot, non actors made to emote, talented actors stuck (which is worse), and sleaze that's not in the least bit sensuous.

Indeed, as this writer sat in the cinema hall, this unintentionally funny film drew more laughs and sniggers from the audience than anything else.

Anahita's (Celina Jaitely) husband Anuj has just passed away in an accident and his heart has been donated to Neil Oberoi (Aftab Shivdasani). Unsurprisingly, Anahita and Neil fall in love and smooch a lot. The always-frightened Anahita and the overprotective Neil suspect that Anuj's death was in fact a murder, and the killer is out to get Anahita as well.

So Neil does what every worthy suitor must do in these civilized times, he tracks the suspect – one moustached and gold-chained person called Rocky who, we are informed very clearly, is a drug addict. Neil then proceeds to kill Rocky and that is the perfect excuse for ACP Abhay Rastogi (Sushant Singh) to enter.

He's the typical cool cop of our films – calm as a cucumber with witty lines and a couple of cronies, asking all the stupid questions. He's now on Neil's case and is sure he has murdered Rocky.

Meanwhile, Anahita's best friend Ria (Amrita Arora in short skirts and smoking cigarettes) too suspects her and Neil of killing off Rocky. While Anahita suspects Ria of having an illicit relationship with her late husband and killing him.

Technically, this film tries its best to look snazzy, so you have a few black-and- white interludes, fades into red, etcetera. That such gimmicks would look absolutely contrived in the face of such loose storytelling, is completely lost on the filmmaker.

One honestly cannot imagine how the script session must have gone – what about this film's story could have impressed anyone enough to put in the effort of making it. Possibly, the makers hoped that by putting in enough sex, and by publicizing it, the audience would not notice the absolute lack of gumption in the film, and that they could make enough money out of this one, to invest in yet another B-grader.

The erotica in the film is quite hilarious, by the way. The first time Neil smooches Anahita, is when she is in an out-of control situation, screaming and shouting (some serious hamming here) and he leaps on her to shut her up, much to the relief of the audience.

Even the other love-making scenes are likely to see the audience yawn. As far as the murder mystery is concerned, you don't even care.

Songs by Himesh Reshamiya (Aa Mil, Afreen) are exactly like his others and are often serve as the backdrop to the passionate scenes.

The performances in this film are puzzling. Yes, there is no such thing as characterization, but to see Celina heave and shake like she's having an asthma attack every few minutes is a bit jarring on the nerves. If not that, her face is like a stone, with only her super-thick, super-long false eyelashes providing any movement.

Amrita Arora's character is provided to have only one expression on her face, and she obliges. One feels bad for Aftab Shivdasani and Sushant Singh – two talented actors who are stuck in this paltry excuse for a movie.