When I first stepped in the house of Bigg Boss, little did I know that I would be a soft target for nomination. As a person, I'm an introvert. I like to keep to myself. I know that the real me is quite contrary to my brand image. When I was nominated for the first time, I was shocked. I thought that the house inmates must have randomly picked my name without having any valid reason for my nomination.
Initially, I could not relate to the female house inmates. Mostly they would talk about their families. And I had nothing to say about my family. May be because I have been living alone since I was a teenager.
When I realized that I wasn't getting positive vibes from the ladies of the house, I turned to the men. I made friends with Kamal & Vindoo because I found them incredibly hilarious.
During the first two weeks, I indulged in gossip. I would make mockery of the character traits of the inmates, whom I didn't get along well with. When I was nominated for the second time, I had an emotional breakdown, as I felt rejected and misunderstood.
I had asked Poonamji to explain to me as to why the ladies in the house were judgemental toward me. She explained to me that if I mingled with them and talked to them more often, probably they would not have felt that way.
Also, Poonamji said that I would have to express my love to the house inmates to be loved by all of them. After this heart-felt conversation with Poonamji, I decided to go out of my way to love the people in the house. And so, I started treating people with kindness and gentleness.
I derive great pleasure from doing domestic work. Whenever I found the house dirty, I would start cleaning and sweeping the entire house - the kitchen area, the dining area, the living area, girls' bedroom and even boys' bedroom.
The people in the house began to see changes in my behaviour and attitude. I truly hoped they would change their pre- conceived notions about me. But that didn't happen.
I was nominated again for the third time.This time, I tried to analyze harder as to where I was going wrong. I then thought that perhaps the house inmates needed some more time to understand me. I was very confident that sooner or later the house inmates would stop nominating me.
But history repeated itself. I was nominated again for the fourth time. I just could not understand what was going wrong.
Later, on the day of eviction I was told by all the participants that I was made a scapegoat. They said that they chose to nominate me continuously as they had no other option. It was after I met Amitji on Aakhri Salaam that I got to know the true reasons for my nomination.
Most of the house inmates called me a fake person. They strongly felt that the change in my behaviour and attitude was superficial and not genuine. I could not control my tears, when I realized what a poor opinion they had of me.
Now that I'm out of the house of Big Boss, I feel, I was a misfit in the house, as I didn't want to play games with human emotions. I didn't want to be part of conversations that break the human spirit.
The experience from day one till the end of my journey was more or less like a roller coaster ride. I got to re-discover myself. And I'm glad that I connected with my inner-self.
The icing on the cake was when Amitji restored peace between my mother and me. However, I feel unless my mother, my sister, and I analyze the root cause of the animosity and the differences between us, the patch up will be very superficial.
courtesy: itimes.com