All the rumours about hottest TV star Rajiv Khandelwal crumble to the dust in this Q&A with Subhash K Jha where he comes across as surprisingly realistic & modest.

You seem to be the first pinup star on Indian TV?
I feel I'm getting too much attention. I don't deserve this. I think I need to prove myself a bit more. But yes, I'm aware of my popularity. I get calls all the way from Bihar & Jharkhand.

How did you get into TV?
I came from Jaipur to Delhi hunting for acting assignments. But I got nowhere. I did a couple of plots for Doordarshan. Since I'm restless by nature I ended up writing & making documentaries. I could've joined theatre in Delhi & made myself a better actor. I guess I just didn't have the patience discipline or dedication. Today when I look back on those days I feel I was such an amateur. My 30-odd short-films were a jumble of images. Then I turned into producer. When my plot for a serial on the army (since I'm from an army background, I one day want to play an army officer correctly) bombed I was financially & emotionally drained. I lost everything. I realized sitting in Delhi & thinking Bombay is just a plot away is the biggest mistake.

So this was a period of turmoil?
It was a learning experience. Mumbai was scary. I had no friends or finances. I had to make money. I did auditions for commercials. After a couple of months I did my first ad. My ads were recognized, not me. I'm not being modest. I'm being realistic.

Do you feel isolated because of your sudden success on television?
Not at all. I don't believe in the media hype, negative or positive, about me. An actor keeps struggling all his life. My first big break Kahiin To Hoga was a turning point in my life. I auditioned for Sujal's role in Delhi along with 500 other hopefuls. I got selected!

You became more popular than the soap?
I can't comment on that. But even after I quit the show I'm known as Sujal. The women continue to think of me as Sujal. I respect their feelings.

Your fan following is unprecedented.
It is very humbling. When I went to Gauwhati for a show a 60-year old lady was screaming 'Sujal', she held a hand-stitched pull-over with Sujal written on it. I asked her how she knew she'd one day run into me (a pullover can't be knitted overnight). She said she knew. Another lady called me from Goa telling me she prays for me each time she goes to the church. I wonder what I've done to deserve this kind of love! It makes me feel very obligated. I can't enjoy this popularity without giving back to the audience the love they give me. I can't make one wrong move. I won't do any old serial that comes my way.

You've a reputation for being high-handed.
I don't know why. Those who know me don't despise me. Probably these rumours have to do with the insecurities of the rumour-mongers. They've nothing to do with me. I don't care about such allegations. I care about my work & the people I work with. If the spotboys feel I'm not a good humanbeing then it'd be time for me to go for a reality check. Otherwise I don't care what's written about me.

Did your break with Ekta Kapoor affect your career?
Not really. We both know what happened. It was a mutual decision for me to move on. Her ideas on how to play Sujal didn't jell with me. The actor within me couldn't agree with the way she wanted the role to be played. I could've worked with Balajee for ten more years. They could've slashed my price & I wouldn't have cared. But the liberties being taken with logistics in my characterization were unbearable. I was being watched minutely by viewers. It was Sujal who became a rage, not Rajiv.

The guy who's replaced you has no fan following.
I don't know about that. I've stopped watching Kahiin To... But when I'd go abroad as Sujal I'd be mobbed far more intensely than so many film stars. Women threw jewellery at me. Did I've the right to enjoy Sujal's stardom when I was no longer enjoying playing him?

But your post-Ekta sojourn Time Bomb hasn't worked?
I won't be dishonest. I did my best on the serial. I can't comment on other departments of the serial. It did succeed in getting me out the chcocolate-box image which people thought was insurmountable. I think Sujal cannot be forgotten. But Varun in Time Bomb wasn't rejected. People liked my action sequence. If I was ripped for it, that's ok. It means I make a difference. I don't go out my way to offend people.

You left Kahiin To Hoga because it was illogical. What was so logical about Time Bomb?
It would be improper to comment. But yes I had certain expectations. & I got to work with awesome people. I evolved as a person & actor, I was given a rupee. I tried to show it as 5. I'm not doing the 2nd season of Time Bomb.

Where do you go from here?
I am clueless! I'm doing a cameo in Sony's CID. I'll hold back as long as I can. I'll try not to do routine stuff as long as I can. I'm an optimist. I won't do something mediocre. Unfortunately the tv industry & I both need to grow a lot more. I want to work with intelligent people.

You've said, never again with Ekta?
I never said that. I won't go back to Kahiin To Hoga. It's over for me. I don't know how people started these rumours about. It re-started the mud-slinging between me & Ekta. I'm sure they too would never want me back. But if she offers me something I like I don't mind going back.

You made a helluva difference to Kahiin To Hoga.
I won't be modest. I know how popular Sujal was. Amna Sharif & I made a good pair. We've been offered a number of films together. But it has to be something worthwhile. I've been offered a number of films. But I can't relate to them. I haven't heard something that excites me. Either it's a sex comedy or a meaningless romantic film. Why don't they ask me to do something that'd justify my presence? I don't want to be in films just to encash on Sujal's popularity. I'm following my heart. I'm not here to make a difference. I just want to do what I believe in. Right now I'm taking a month's sabbatical. I don't think I gave a mind-blowing performance as Sujal. But I poured my heart into it. I used behave like Sujal off-camera. My character had to die before it got corrupted. I wanted Sujal to be remembered as the small-screen Ranjha/Romeo. I want to break the rules. I've enough money to survive comfortably for 6 months.

And marriage?
It's not on the cards for a long time. It can happen any time. My younger brother recently married out of the blue. It may happen to me too.

Is there a lady in your life?
As of now, no. The rumours about Amna & me are rumours. We both enjoy these rumours. In fact we add spice to them. We go for events together as a couple.