Universal Jokes

  • Happy Father's Day

    A retired old couple returned to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman promised to hold a car for them.

    But they found the car was just sold to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt and a halter top.
    The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply, "Young man, you said you hold that car till we raised the $95,000 asking price, yet you closed the deal for $75,000 to the young lady there. And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no discount for this model !"

    The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a large glass of water.

    "Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready, didn't need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could I resist?", replied the grinning salesman sheepishly.

    Just then the young woman walked over to the senior couple and gave the car keys to the old man.

    "There you go," she said. "I told you I could get him to lower the price. See you later Dad, Happy Father's day."
  • A Smart Salesman

    A young Indian left his job in India and joined a salesman's job in a big departmental store in Canada!! On the first day, the Indian worked with full vigour.

    At 6 pm
    Boss: How much of sales did you do on the first day?

    Indian: Sir, I attended to 1 Sales call.

    Boss: Only 1 sale the whole day? Usually every salesman here does 20 to 30 Sale transactions a day. Well, tell me what is the value of your today's one sale?

    Indian: $93300....!

    Boss: What?? Unbelievable! But how did you do that?

    Indian: Sir, 1 customer came in and I sold him a small fishing hook. Then a mazola and then finally sold a big hook. Then I sold him 1 big fishing rod and some fishing gear... Then I asked him where does he go to catch fish and he said to the coastal area.

    Then I said to him that he would need a boat. So I took him down to the boat department and sold him a 20 ft double engine schooner boat.

    When he said the boat won't come in his Volkswagen, I took him to the auto mobile section and sold him the new Deluxe 4 x 4 blazer to carry the boat.

    And when I asked him where he would be going fishing ??? He didn't plan anything. So I took him to the camping section and sold him a six sleeper camper tent.

    And then he took groceries worth $ 200 and 2 cases of beer....!

    Now the boss took 2 steps back and asked: You sold all this to a person who came just to buy only 1 fish hook???

    Indian: No Sir... He actually came in to buy 1 Tablet for his headache.... I explained to him that 'Fishing' is the Best Way to Get Rid of Headaches!!!

    Boss: Where did you work before ???

    Indian: I was a PRO in a private hospital in India. For any patient who would come in for any 'Minor Complaint', we get the Patient Tested for Pathology, ECO, ECG, TMT, CT SCAN, X-Ray, MRI etc.

    Boss: Will You please sit in my chair? I shall go to India and join a Private Hospital for Training.
  • Annoying Senior Citizens

    Ek Baar Ek Retired Uncle Kiraane Ki Dukaan Par Gaye Aur Dukaan Mein Baithe Ladke Se Bole, "Beta, Mujhe Masoor Ki Daal Ke 824 Daane De Do."

    Ladke Ne Bina Kuch Kahe 250 gms Masoor Ki Daal Tol Ke Uncle Ko De Di Aur Kaha, "30 Rupay Hue Aapke."

    Uncle Bole, "Beta Ismein Poore 824 Daane Hi Honge?"

    Ladka Bola, "Ji Haan Uncle Ji, App Ghar Jaa Kar Gin Lijiyega, Poore 824 Daane Hi Niklenge. Kyunki Pitaji Ne Kaha Hai Ki Ek Kilo Daal Mein 3296 Daane Aate Hain Aur Is Hisaab Se 250gms mein 824 Daane He Aayenge."

    Uncle, Thoda Hairaan Ho Kar, Bole, "Tumhaare Pita Ji Kya Karte Hain Beta?"

    Ladka Bola, Kuch Nahin Uncle Ji, Vo Bhi Aap Ki Tarah Retire Ho Chuke Hain Aur Saara Din Ghar Pe Khaali Baith Ke Hum Sab Gharwalon Ke Dimaag Ka Dahi Karte Rehte Hain."
  • Sales Executive Interview

    A Man was asked: How was your job interview yesterday?

    Man: Well, I entered the office, found a man sitting on a large black leather chair with feet resting on the table... He pointed towards his laptop, asked me to take it and go outside, then come back and try to sell him the laptop. He thought himself to be actor Leonardo Di Caprio of "The wolf of wall street" movie. So I took the laptop and left.

    FRIEND: Left...!! Then what?

    Man: Nothing!! Thirty minutes later he called me up... begging me to return his laptop to him because all his work and important documents were in it. So I asked him: Will you buy it ??
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