Santa: Hey, you are dialing a wrong here. I am not Santa Claus but Santa clueless.
Webmaster: Why do you say so? It is x-mas time and I have every right to a X-mas present.
Santa: First of all, I don’t dole out gifts as I am not Santa Claus (Ask my wife for more details on that) and even if I intend to become one, I would be more sensible with my plans. I won’t give present to any guy like you who does not have a clue about the difference between the two Santas.
Webmaster: Then whom would you give the gift to?
Santa: As a matter of fact, I do have some very important people on my gift list. My first gift would be to Narendra Modi. He sure deserves a copy of “Quran”, “Bible” and “Gita”. Perhaps these books can teach him, what he couldn’t learn in a ‘shakha’ his whole life, that every human being is equal.
Webmaster: Who else would be the beneficiary of your benevolence?
Santa: I am planning to give a ‘Satellite Tracking System’ to SM Krishna, so that Veerappan could be tracked. And one bonus gift too, I’m in talks with DHL guys to set up a branch in Karnataka jungles so that poor Krishna and Veerappan don’t have to capture more people to get the threatening cassettes delivered.
Webmaster: Would you give something to Veerappan also?
Santa: You see everybody is equal in the eyes of the humorists. We are not partial in pulling legs according to profession, caste, colour, creed, and race, et. al.
Webmaster: So what does Veerappan get?
Santa: I have persuaded a Swiss Bank to install an ATM at his hood. That poor guy too deserves the fruits of technology. And I have especially chosen the Swiss Bank because that is where our honest Netas put their hard earned money.
Webmaster: Great idea. I salute you for your ingenuity.
Santa: Sure you can and for that you don’t have to wait till our Republic day either. But the guy I have chosen to salute is none other than the President Kalam. Don’t worry Sir, I have chosen a gift for you too. And your gift happens to be latest Braun trimmer for your salt and pepper locks. I saw it in a vanity shop with Banta’s wife Preeto (somehow she always likes my company to Banta’s).
Webmaster: Have you thought about something for our P.M?
Santa: I have asked for a little bravery and courage for Vajpayee from God. And guess what….. a single ticket to Turkey or Columbia or Puerto Rico. But the surprise doesn’t end here; I have booked two return tickets in case he bumps into some recently crowned beauty queen and decides to enter matrimony.
Webmaster: What about senior members of his cabinet. Farnadees, Yashwant Sinha, Jaswant Singh and/or Arun Shourie?
Santa: See Tarun Tejpal has told us his current financial status so George gets no gifts. Moreover, he does not wear socks. Santa does not deliver to those who don’t have stockings. Yashwant Sinha is into external affairs, so he’ll be getting his gifts from North Pole, from the real Santa. And Jaswant, he is our finance minister, his gifts depends on what he is planning for us in the budget. And please don’t talk about Arun shourie’s gifts in public; Shiv Sena guys are listening.
Webmaster: What does Jayalalitha gets?
Santa: She would get a lot of pair of socks.
Webmaster: I am not getting you here. Why so?
Santa: It’s so simple! You see all along, media has told us that she has umpteen pair of shoes but what about socks? No one ever thought about them. See how intelligent I’m? No doubt it’s a tough job but I shall probably take the help of some US Carriers, which are parked near Iraq.
Webmaster: US Carriers reminds me that what do you have for Mr. Bush?
Santa: Some liquor barrels of Bourbon for him to cool down his nerves. (Though his brains nerves are freezing right now) That way his daughter can enjoy it too without being caught.
Webmaster: So is there anything for anyone else?
Santa: Talking of celebrity kids, Prince William gets the hands and everything else of Britney Spears and vice-versa. Britney, now don’t ask for more. This is your golden chance to end this one-upmanship (one-upwomanship) with Christina Aguilera. And she would get the opportunity to carry the legacy of her mother-in-law by philandering. Long live the Queen!
Webmaster: You are too much. Is someone going to escape your wrath this Christmas?
Santa: No way! You made a Santa Claus out of me. Now suffer the consequences. For me, I have started enjoying my new role.
Webmaster: Who is the next on your gift list?
Santa: I grant Indian Cricket team the rain, when they face Kiwis in the next test. Captain Amarinder gets some fund from the World Bank (Though I’m not sure of that either). Bhathal gets some reprieve from the lower court and the Supreme Court (that happens to be Sonia Gandhi). Badal gets…………….. forget it- he has already got a lot of his colleagues in jail.
Webmaster: What do you get for SantaBanta.com?
Santa: Some media attention and some ads from India.
Webmaster: Anyone else?
Santa: Last but both the least, Jeeto wanted me to get a broom, soap and the ration. I beg your leave before she brings me back to mother earth by using that broom on me.
Merry X-mas !
