Webmaster: Happy New Year Santa Ji. You are pretty late this year.
Santa: Happy New Year to you too my friend. It's all because of 'Free dee Daru'. Actually Banta threw a grand party and you know Punjabis can resist a Sultry Nymph for once but "Free dee Daru", Never.
Webmaster: But did u really resist a Nymph at this New Year eve?
Santa: If you can call Banta's wife, Preeto, a Nymph then Yes I did.
Webmaster: Anyways it's a New year and what are going to be your priorities? Have you made any resolutions?
Santa: Yes, I have resolved not to celebrate any New Year at Banta's place and I just told you the reason for that too.
Webmaster: That's your resolution but our readers are longing to hear the New Year resolutions of SantaBanta.com and your Rich and the Famous (read Filthy) friends. Kindly enlighten us.
Santa: First and the foremost, we are going to save our environment by saving tons and tons of paper. Our motto is "An e-card sent is a paper saved". Till 4th January, 2003, 1,70,000 New Year cards had been sent from our site. So if you calculate full 2003 figures, there would be at least 7 million sends.
Webmaster: I agree with you. What else on other top figures of the world?
Santa: Let me start with my favourite
Mush. He has resolved to make Pak a great power by making Chinese their second
language.
Webmaster: Chinese for Pakistanis, Why?
Santa: Well, last time when there was Indo-Pak tension, Mush was ready to Nuke India but only reason that stopped him was he couldn't read what was written on the nuke remote in Chinese. He is so touched by the incident, that he is going to make it mandatory for every Pakistani to learn Chinese.
Webmaster: That's interesting, what about his greatest friend Bush?
Santa: Bush has resolved to get a bill passed from his Congress, which will empower the President of the United States to attack any country when his popularity falls below 50% at any point of time.
Webmaster: That is one scary 'Bill'. Thank God, our PM is much saner.
Santa: No it's not a scary 'Bill', it's one scary Bush. Now coming to Vajpayee ji. He has resolved not to speak on any BJP CM (after Modi's emphatic victory) till election's verdict is out. Isn't he a smart man? He offended Congress when he opted Goa for his New Year celebrations. He may have turned 78, but he always knew that western chics never mind going out with the old guy provided he is rich and
powerful (Courtesy: Anna Nicoile Smith).
Webmaster: Our politicians are coming up with weird resolutions. Have you got any news from the Congress camp?
Santa: Of course, how can I forget them. After biting the dust in Gujarat, all the ruling Congress CMs have surreptitiously resolved, not to invite Sonia ji for the campaigning in their states. While Sonia ji has resolved to learn Gujarati in next five years so that she can figure out what Modi is saying. Good luck Sonia Ji.
Webmaster: What about Modi saab
himself?
Santa: He didn't meet me. He is riding high on his success, but I pray to God that whatever he resolves doesn't hurt the people of Gujarat. Though it is not applicable to his new found love "Mian Musharraf".
Webmaster: Enough with this politics, have you got anything from our cricket team?
Santa: After their disastrous performance in New Zealand, our team has gone much saner. They are collecting money to buy houses for themselves in every possible cricketing venue of the world.
Webmaster: Why so?
Santa: Because whenever they lose,
they say they were not acclimatised with the climate and weather of the country. Now
BCCI has asked them to buy those houses so that they can live their 6 months before the series and get themselves acclimatised.
Webmaster: Any news from the bad guys?
Santa: I'll take them one by one. Osama has resolved to vacate Mush's guest room, which he has been occupying for the last one year. After all the bad guy has some self respect too. He is planning to buy the apartment next to Mush's.
Santa: Saddam has gone a bit tough with his old tactics. He has threatened to kill his own people in case America attacks him (Like really Bush cares for them). He has also resolved to construct more of suspicious looking building so that he can dupe the UN arm inspectors for couple of more years by showing them around.
Santa: But the winner is our very own Veerappan. He has gone Hi-tech. Nagappa's killing has cost him crores and infamy too. He has decided to go e-way. This year he is going to accept the ransom payment by credit card only, this will save him from undue confusions and hassles of intermediaries.
Webmaster: Any buzz from the Bollywood?
Santa: Bollywood is buzzing aloud. Mr Salman 'Shirt Doffing' Khan has decided to put the air bags around his car so that people don't get killed anymore. All the directors with a very bad script have unanimously agreed to cast Manisha and her body double. Getting a sniff of this, Manisha has decided to sign a contact with Thackeray Saab, so that she didn't have to waste her time and Shiv Sena takes care of ransacking theaters and demolishing screens.
Santa: Sanjay Dutt has decided to learn sign language so that next time no Mumbai cop can pick him for talking to his beloved Bhai "Chhota sa Shakeel". He has already installed teleconferencing gizmos at his place barring sound boxes. Bachchan Saab has resolved to revive ABCL. When I broke this news, Start TV crew came to life again and now they are planning to launch new version of KBC so that he can pay his future debts easily.
Webmaster: Man! How do you get all these information so quickly?
Santa: Thanks to newly launched Delhi Metro Rail. My wish came true (unlike many other Delhiwalahs) when I managed to get 7 days 6 nights stay in the Metro coach from the authorities. That is where I met all the celebrities including PM Saab and got the inside news. I want to sincerely thank Delhi Govt along with Govt of India for providing us mobile Appu
Ghar. Tear gas has to be used when some Delhiwalahs refused to disembark. So I thought of seeing you till the smoke gets cleared. It must be over by now, so I should be leaving before anyone squats
on my seat. See you around and if you meet Banta tell him that his Free de Daaru was great and in case you meet his wife, tell her better luck next time. Good Bye!
