Santa: Hi, Mr Webmaster! Howwya doin?
Webmaster:: Balle balle! Tuhade taan rang dhang hi badle ne. Ki gal, angrazi badi cho rahi hai.
Santa: You see, India is attracting so many International celebrities. Richard Gere and Goldie Hawn are at Dharamshala, doing dharam karam after doing some garam garam scenes at Hollywood. So I learnt some American English to interact with them.
Webmaster:: Cool, but would they recognise you?
Santa: I don't need recognition from them. I have enough audience and popularity in Punjabis and those who know Punjabi culture and values. We are more internationaly aware. They are just 'tobbe de dadoo'. Their case simply is, "Sau chuhe kha ke, billi haj nu chali!" Anyways, they are promoting spiritual tourism in India, which the Tourism Ministry has not been able to do so far.
Webmaster:: Quite right. Earlier Indians loved Hollywood, now Hollywood fraternity loves India. Seasons change, people change.
Santa: The change reminds me of the festival season. It is around. And people, especially the businessmen are in high spirits. Even Banta and I are in high spirits every evening. Kids are having vacations.
Webmaster:: They really had to slog hard for their exams.
Santa: Their parents had to slog more. Studies have become a pain in the neck. The education system is producing frail structures and intellectuals at a very small age. Sports are amiss in the curriculum.
Webmaster:: Even if there is any, it isn't producing any sports persons.
Santa: People seem to be forgetting the age-old adage of, "Sound mind in a sound body". Sports has become in the hobby of the rich. It has become so costly. The state is not doing anything to nurture the talent. Asian Games' medal tally would show the results.
Webmaster:: We are failing in almost all the games except for Kabaddi.
Santa: Yeah, we are good at fighting. We love fighting. Let it be with friends, relatives, neighbours, boss or co-workers. So we are more of spoilsports than sports persons. You must have heard the story of Indian turtles that were being exported in lid-less containers.
Webmaster:: This is true about politicians also. I hope they have some Olympics on speeches, manifestos, promises, scams and scandals.
Santa: We would draw blank there also. Who can beat Musharraf, Sharifs and Bhuttos.
Webmaster:: Ha ha. You are right Mr Santa.
Santa: Personally, I would prefer to be on the left. Actually, I hate fanatics and fanaticism. Look at the 'Babas' from 'Deras', they are playing havoc with public, their money and their daughters.
Webmaster:: When would this change?
Santa: Never. We need character and will to do this. We tend to be lazy and take things lightly. As a result, we are idle most of the time. And when we are idle, we are into 'mohalla' politics and religious politics. If we have to slog like Americans, Canadians and Britis, we would be better citizens.
Webmaster:: But people love to move to those countries.
Santa: Yes, and look how they transform overnight when they reach there. Dande and ghande transform them.
Webmaster:: Dande is fine, but what has ghande to do with it?
Santa: Ghande are the fruits of labour. When your labour transforms into money, it brings sweetness in your actions and motives.
Webmaster:: It is totally different in India. We only get dande.
Santa: As you sow, so shall you reap. People want to reap gold and they sow the cheapest seeds. And then they want Minimum Support Price for their support to politicians during elections.
Webmaster:: Which is running this vicious cycle.
Santa: But as far as support is concerned, Indians got a lot of support from Lankans while playing the matches in ICC Champions Trophy.
Webmaster:: They were really good.
Santa: But weather God won at the end. The little champion was off colour. But Virender Sehwag was the real 'Vir (Gallant)".
Webmaster:: I hope this valour continues till the World Cup at South Africa.
Santa: It would. I hope they find one more slow bowler and rest A-nil Kumbhkaran (sorry Kumble). Doesn't his fielding reminds you of the ever-sleeping Kumbhkaran?
Webmaster:: Your funny bone is really active today.
Santa: But my bones are unlike Salman's, ever flexing them in some manner or the other. I hope he wins over Ash. Otherwise, law and RSS would sure give him a bash. Now I understand the logic of Devdas. Earlier he seems to convey reel life, now he portrays real life also.
Webmaster:: But I don't understand the law and the role of police in Salman's case.
Santa: The law is clear. The offence is bail able. But this would be a blessing in disguise.
Webmaster:: How?
Santa: The media hype would force the change in law. The redundant law is still there. It came into force when there were 1000 vehicles in the whole of India. Now one nukkad has 1000 vehicles. But we can't badger Salman alone, even the policies are at fault.
Webmaster:: How?
Santa: Footpaths are not for sleeping. This case was different. Salman was drunk and without Driving Licence. There can be a genuine accidents, when the vehicle can go out of control due to mechanical failure. And Instead of giving tickets to celebrities, the traffic police is interested in autographs.
Webmaster:: Things have to change.
Santa: Yes. Otherwise, we would keep witnessing these kinds of accidents. The high profile would be blown out of proportions by the media and the rest would be swept under the carpet by the authorities.
Webmaster:: Please sum up with our neighbours.
Santa: They are hell-bent on test firing their rented missile 'Shaheen' (I wonder it might be looking like some Paki heroine), even when it is tried and tested in North Korea. They are re-launching it again later in the week.
Webmaster:: Why is that?
Santa: One wrong button and woooosh.... there it goes. But you can't blame them all the way. It's always tough to decipher the foreign language. And when the language is Chinese or Korean, the task becomes more daunting. Last time, they launched it inadvertently when they were just finding the fuel tank. This time they are using speech
guided launch programme, so that they can really understand what they are pressing, opening or launching. Keep trying boys. In the end, one piece of advice for Mush, do celebrate Diwali in Pakistan this year, hope you can find the real mechanics behind missiles while lighting a few crackers.
