Santa: Actually, I was on a mission.
Webmaster: To the moon!
Santa: Even that is not impossible in today’s world, you dud. I have bought a plot for my son on the moon – all for a mere $140 US. He would settle down on the moon and would be called an NRE.
Webmaster: Something to do with NRE account.
Santa: What GB Shaw said for the likes of you a century ago – stands true to this date: ‘It is better to keep your mouth shut and to be thought of as a fool than to open it and remove all doubts about it’. NRE is a Non Resident Earthling, for your kind information.
Webmaster: Even Gandhiji said ‘Silence is Golden’.
Santa: You blockhead, what he said was for intelligent people like me, so that we may talk less and preserve our energies for great deeds.
Webmaster: O.K. O.K. My Lord. You were telling us about some mission.
Santa: Oh yes, do you remember the duel between our worthy Prime Minister and the Rajasthan Chief Minister, on the issue of dwindling number of tigers in ‘Sariska Wild Life Sanctuary’.
Webmaster: Yeah somewhat. Politicians keep wrangling on one issue or the other.
Santa: But the important part of it; I shall divulge to you now. The PM had ordered a CBI enquiry into the disappearance of tigers at Sariska. And since no one was ready to head the enquiry team, the PM told me to take the initiative and lead the team from front.
Webmaster: I get it. I get it. You went to into hiding, the moment you were entrusted this daunting task.
Santa: Can’t you keep your trap shut for a moment? And you are warned, once and for all – if you continue to cut short my dialogues – in order to belittle me, I would have to look for other options.
Webmaster: Other options? I didn’t get it. Please elaborate.
Santa: I would give a sound kick on your ass and say good-bye to you. People are clamouring for my services. Mind you, I am no longer a common man. I am a brand. And then you would have to make do with that worthless stinking Banta.
Webmaster: Spare me, my lord. The very thought of talking to him is dreadful. I implore you Santaji, don’t cast us away. We would arrange everything for you – a chauffer driven car, a plush bungalow and we would even pay for Pappu’s plot on the moon!
Santa: You should have done this long ago, my dear Webmaster. Anyway for the moment, just do me a favour by keeping mum, while I narrate some interesting stuff.
Webmaster: As you wish Santaji, as you wish. It would be pleasure for all of us to hear your exalted self-dole out your grand experiences.
Santa: Okay, to continue with the episode. Well, I headed the enquiry team that went to Sariska. We were ten people. I was dressed up in military fatigues. And all nine CBI sleuths were in their formals.
Webmaster: And then?
Santa: The moment we reached the forest reserve all nine of them developed cold feet. Gosh! They were unwilling to enter the forest?
Webmaster: Come on tell me soon. The story is becoming murkier.
Santa: They implored me: “Santaji – we have kids back at our place to look after, we are merely employees. We can’t risk our lives by trying to make a head count of tigers. And if we don’t do the job, the PM would be furious, and dismiss us from service.”
Webmaster: What did you do then Santaji? Santa: True to the Punjabi traditions, I took up the gauntlet. I told the “CBI wallas” to put up in the Rest House located on the fringe of the jungle. Then alone, I forayed into the dense bush, armed with a torch, knife and a rope.
Webmaster: No weapons. What could you do against a tiger with a torch, knife and a rope?
Santa: No, not at all…I carried no weapons. I took the torch to peep into dark and long tunnel like dens of the ‘King of the Jungle’. Knife was for self-protection.
Webmaster: And the rope.
Santa: The rope was to tie any tigers I came across. You know they had to be caught and paraded in front of the PM, much like the aspiring CMs parade their MLAs. After all that was the only way we could convince the anxious PM, of the number of tigers in the reserve.
Webmaster: What was the out come?
Santa: Day and night, I walked in the dangerous terrain. Looking in bushes, cowering, trudging, scouting and facing all odds in the 100 sq. km odd reserve, but I could not find a single tiger.
Webmaster: It is really shocking that you didn’t find any tiger. Did you guys submit a report to the government to that effect?
Santa: Yeah! The CBI people did. It is a depressing situation indeed.
Webmaster: Do you have any plans to rejuvenate the forest? How can you make the tigers to roar at Sariska again?
Santa: Actually, when I ended my adventure, I learned of India’s rout at Banglore. Everybody felt that Ganguly should be done away with. And what better option than to put him up in the Sariska Reserve. We would be killing two birds in a single shot!
Webmaster: How?
Santa: Cricket would get rid of its non-playing cap…sorry tiger… and the Sariska reserve would have one to roam in its confines. Soon we would find a tigress for him and their numbers shall proliferate.
Webmaster: What an imagination?
Santa: I just delight at the thought of seeing bespectacled cubs, prancing all over the ‘he tiger’ and ‘she tiger’. (Because of Ganguly’s weak eyesight this defect surely would pass on to his cubs)
Webmaster: Santaji. I must salute your versatility. You are a conservationist, a brave man, a hero and a cricket expert, all rolled into one. But, excuse me; we didn’t have word on Bollywood?
Santa: Oh! Bollywood. It is all ‘Blacked’ out there with hidden cameras and bugged rooms. I think people try to stay ‘mum’ even the loud mouths like Mahesh Bhatt. Rajat’s India TV is quite a horror show for them. No one knows, whom he would air next with ‘pants down’. In today’s world icons are disgraced in a moment.
Webmaster: That should drive a bit of sanity into the heads of our celebrities. Promiscuity should be curbed in the society.
Santa: Going by the current rate, we are going to overtake South Africa in the number of AIDS afflicted people.
Webmaster: Grim scenario indeed! That is why I stay away from all this.
Santa: No, I always stay on the great Grand Prix circuit but with safety gear on!
Webmaster: From Grand Prix, I am reminded of Karthikeyan. Three cheers for his Team Jordan.
Santa: Thumbs up for now and cheers would be in the evening at the Golf Club.
