| How to catch a Lion in the Desert? Here is a list of various scientific methods of approaching the problem. 1)THE NEWTONIAN METHOD: Let the lion catch you (let s assume you remain alive here). For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. You will have captured the lion. 2) THE EINSTEIN METHOD: Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. The relative velocity makes the lion run faster and hence he feels heavier and gets tired. 3) THE METHOD OF INVERSIVE GEOMETRY : The place a spherical cage in the desert and enter it. We then perform an inverse operation with respect to the cage. The lion is then inside the cage and we are outside. 4) THE SET THEORETIC METHOD: We observe that the desert is a separable space. It therefore contains an innumerable dense set of points from which can be extracted a sequence having the lion as the limit. We then approach the lion stealthily along this sequence bearing with us suitable equipment. 5) THE THERMODYNAMIC METHOD: Construct a semi permeable membrane which is permeable to everything except lions and sweep it across the Sahara. 6) TOPOLOGICAL METHOD: Observe that the lion has at least the connectivity of the torus. Transport the desert into 4-space. Then carry out such a transformation that the lion can be returned 3-space in a knotted condition. He is then helpless. 7) THE CARTESIAN METHOD: Take the origin as close as possible to the lion. Then perform rotation operation again and again. Initially, the lion will feel dizzy. Finally it will fall down. 8) THE AUTOMATA METHOD: Use a non-deterministic Finite Automation with epsilon moves from all states to the final state, and no moves from the final state. The lion will soon enter the final state and be trapped. 9) THE INTEGRO-DIFFERENTIAL METHOD: Integrate the Sahara over its entire surface. The lion is now somewhere in the result. Differentiate the result w.r.t. the earth s rotation. The resulting value is zero, and the lion is no more. 10) THE TIME-COP METHOD: Use a time-machine and take the entire Sahara back a few years in time. The lion is just a cub now, and all you need is a mouse-trap. 11) UNIX METHOD: Put the lion on (the hard) disk Do : ls -l | grep -i "lion" | cut $9 trapfile -i option ensures that size of the lion does not matter Now the lion is caught in a trapfile, and can be safely tar-ed or backed up ....into tape ! 12) LINKED LIST METHOD: Make a linked list of all objects in the desert. Then delete the pointers on either side of the lion. Make sure you are not AFTER lion. 13) THE DIRAC METHOD: We observe that wild lions are ipso facto not observable in the Sahara desert. Consequently if there are any lions, they are tame. The capture of a tame lion is left as an exercise for the reader. 14) THE KALRA METHOD: Make a list of the lion s whereabouts. Classify them into fuzzy sets. The lion will get confused and fall into your trap. 15) THE SCHRODINGER METHOD: At any given moment, there is a positive probability that there is a lion in the cage. Sit down and wait ! 16) THE HEISENBURG METHOD: You will disturb the lion when you observe it before capturing. So keep your eyes closed. 17) THE SHAKESPEARE METHOD: Hold the lion still for a moment (I don`t care how you do it), recite Shakespeare s Hamlet to it. The lion will change from To-be to Not-to-be. |