| During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often: 54 times the sheets were clean. 17 times it was too late. 49 times you were too tired. 20 times it was too hot. 15 times you pretended to be asleep. 22 times you had a headache. 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby. 16 times you said you were too sore. 12 times it was the wrong time of the month. 19 times you had to get up early. 9 times you said weren't in the mood. 7 times you were sunburned. 6 times you were watching the late show. 5 times you didn't want to mess your new hair-do. 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us. 9 times you said your mother would hear us. Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because: 6 times you just layed there. 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling. 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with. 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished. 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move. |