| I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake. Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore... A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband. Lance Armstrong - I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races whilst on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike. Drive By - A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn't take my TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels. Sick bastard! The Agony of Aging - On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back." VIDEO SCAM - Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes" Turns out it's all about golf. Absolute waste of money! Pass this on so others don't get scammed. Pregnant Prostitute - Doctor asks a pregnant prostitute, "Do you know who the father is?" "Hey dumb ass, if you ate a can of beans would you know which one made you fart?" |