The Female Stages of Life

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    Favorite drink:
    Age 17: Wine Coolers
    Age 25: White wine
    Age 35: Red wine
    Age 48: Dom Perignon
    Age 66: Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

    Excuses for refusing dates:
    17: Need to wash my hair.
    25: Need to wash and condition my hair.
    35: Need to colour my hair.
    48: Need to have Francois color my hair.
    66: Need to have Francois color my wig.

    Favorite sport:
    17: Shopping
    25: Shopping
    35: Shopping
    48: Shopping
    66: Shopping

    Definition of successful date:
    17: "Burger King"
    25: "Free meal"
    35: "A diamond"
    48: "A bigger diamond"
    66: "Home Alone"

    Favorite fantasy:
    17: Tall, dark and handsome.
    25: Tall, dark and handsome with money.
    35: Tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain.
    48: A man with hair (preferably not on back).
    66: A man.

    Pet:
    17: Muffy the Cat.
    25: Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat.
    35: Irish setter and Muffy the Cat.
    48: Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat.
    66: Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat.

    Ideal age for marriage:
    17: 17
    25: 25
    35: 35
    48: 48
    66: 66

    Ideal date:
    17: He offers to pay.
    25: He pays.
    35: He cooks breakfast the next morning.
    48: He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids.
    66: He can chew breakfast.
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