Funny Matrimonial Ads

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    LAWYER:
    I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of husband after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl. The girl should be willing to surender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained.
    Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence.

    BOATMAN:
    Must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Plaese send the photograph of motorboat.

    BANKER:
    Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.

    SHAYAR:
    Badi muddat ke baad ek arzoo jaagi hai,
    Ki hum bhi shadi shuda ho jaye,
    Kya vajah shadi karane ki jo kahde sahi sahi,
    To yaron ab khud se kaam ghar ka hota nahi.

    BEVDA:
    Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a soda factory. I am an occasional alchoholic who drinks only when friends come home. Friend come home only seven times a week.Girl preferred who can carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally or send soda for trial. Sample should be ample.

    CAR MECHANIC:
    Wanted a sturdy wife. Should be in working condition. Should be above average and must run the household at a good average. Dent won't be tolerated especially in the head gear.

    DOCTOR:
    Recently a love-bug injected in me a strange bacteria, making me desirous of marriage. I'm looking for a girl who is patient and has knowledge of all ills and pills, is religious minded and keeps away from all sins be it anasin, metasin or crosin. I promise to be a good doctor with no side effects. Apply or reply.
  • Breaking Up! George went over to his fiancee`s house and sadly told his girlfriend the wedding was off. He was going to marry another woman. His girlfriend was distraught...
  • A Night Out! An Irishman`s been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stands up to leave and falls flat on his face...
  • Yelling for Help... Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones...
  • Sympathetic Visitor A big, burly man visited the pastor`s home and asked to see the minister`s wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses. "Madam," he said in a broken voice...
  • Never Forget Her Birthday Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don`t know what day this is."
    "Of course I do," he irritatingly answered, going out the door...
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