Race Tips from Australia

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    A bloke was having a few drinks by himself at a Sydney casino when he met up with a striking but quite short and slim young woman. They got on famously and ended up in bed.

    The next morning she told him she was a jockey and that if he came to the races at Randwick that day, she'd tip him the winner of each race she was riding in by giving him a sign as she rode out of the saddling paddock.

    In Race 2, she rode out rubbing both her boobs.

    The bloke looked through the race book and found 'Two Abreast' on which he placed $100 at 5-1. It won by two lengths.

    In Race 4 she rode out rubbing her fingers round her eyes. He put the lot on 'Eyeliner' at 10-1 and was then $5000 in front.

    In the last race she came out standing up in the stirrups and rubbing her crotch. He backed nothing.

    After the races, he met up with her and thanked her for the winners in races 2 and 4.

    "What about 'Itchy Mickey' in the sixth?", she asked. "It paid a fortune?"

    "Sh*t!!!" he said, "I thought you were telling me the favourite was scratched!"
  • Golfer's Balls!!! A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course. As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don`t you see the sign? It says, "Private property Stay Out!"
    The golfer says, "I`m sorry I did not see it. That is my ball...
  • Three Bulls Three bulls were standing around the farm yard one day, talking about how the farmer had just bought a new bull. The first bull, the biggest and strongest of the group, says, "He`s in for a surprise when he gets here. I`ll be...
  • Corporate Politics A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market. Old cock to Young cock: Welcome to join...
  • A Genuine Problem A guy visits his doctor and says he has a problem with sex. "Doc, I think my dick is just too damn small," he says.
    The doctor asks him which drink he prefers.
    "Well, American beer...
  • Most Sensitive Body Part Ek Baar Pappu Ki Class Mein Biology Inspection Hone Waali Thi. Madam Bachho Ki Samjhati Hai: Bachchon, Kal Tumse Kuch Questions Puche Jayenge, Jaise Ki, Batao Sharir Ka Sabse Najuk Ang Kaun Sa Hai? Sab Students Apne Haath...
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