Booze, Fighting and Wild Sex...

  •  

    Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible.

    Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded Vermonter standing there.

    "Name's Enoch... Your neighbor from four miles over the ridge... Having a party Saturday... Thought you'd like to come."

    "Great," says Sam, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."

    As Enoch is leaving he stops, "Gotta warn you there's gonna be some drinkin'."

    "Not a problem... After 25 years in the computer business, I can drink with the best of 'em."

    Again, as he starts to leave Enoch stops, "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."

    "Damn", Sam thinks... "Tough crowd. Well, I get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again."

    Once again Enoch turns from the door, "I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too."

    "Now that's not a problem" says Sam, "Remember I've been alone for six months! I'll definitely be there... By the way, what should I wear?"

    Enoch stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us."
  • Buying a Bra A married man thought he would give his wife a birthday surprise by buying her a bra. He entered a ladies shop, rather intimidated, but the salesgirls took charge to help him.
    "What colour?" she asked.
    He settled for white....
  • The Farmer's Kids A farmer has three sons. One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating from school and would really like to get a car. His father says, "Son, come with me."
    He takes him to the barn...
  • Race Tips from Australia A bloke was having a few drinks by himself at a Sydney casino when he met up with a striking but quite short and slim young woman. They got on famously and ended up in bed. The next morning she told him she was a jockey...
  • The Devoted Wife A husband asks his wife: Darling, if I lost my vision would you be my eyes?
    Wife: Honey, of course I would.
    Husband: If I lost my hearing would you be my ears...
  • Golfer's Balls!!! A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course. As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don`t you see the sign? It says, "Private property Stay Out!"
    The golfer says, "I`m sorry I did not see it. That is my ball...
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT