•  

    There was a businessman, and he was not feeling well, so he went to see the doctor about it. The doctor says to him, "Well, it must be your diet, what sort of greens do you eat?"

    The man replies, "Well, actually, I only eat peas, I hate all other green foods."

    The doctor was quite shocked at this and says, "Well man, that's your problem, all those peas will be clogging up your system, you'll have to give them up!!"

    The guy says, "But how long for, I mean I really like peas!"

    The doctor replies, "Forever, I'm afraid."

    The man is quite shocked by this, but he gives it a go and sure enough, his condition improves, so he realizes that he will never eat a pea again.

    Anyway, one night, years later, he's at a convention for his employer and getting quite sloshed and one of the reps says, "Well, ashully, I'd love a cigarette, coz I avint ad a smoke in four years, I gave it up."

    Quite a shocker really, and the barman goes, "Really, I haven't had a game of golf in 3 years, because it cost me my first marriage, so I gave it up!"

    The businessman says, "Thas nuvving, I haven't ad a pea in 6 years" and the barman jumps up screaming, "Okay, everyone who can't swim, grab a table..."
  • The Biggest Liar The fishing season hasn`t opened and a fisherman who doesn`t have a license, is casting for trout as a stranger approaches and asks, "Any luck?"
    "Any luck? This is a wonderful...
  • The Blind Walmart Clerk A lady goes into Walmart to buy a rod and reel for her husband. She doesn`t know which one to get, so walks over to the register. A Walmart associate is standing there with sunglasses on. She says, "Excuse me sir...
  • Tales or Tails? A seafood restaurant had a sign in the window that read, "Big Lobster Tales, $5 each."
    Amazed at the great value, a man stopped in and asked the waitress, "Five dollars each for lobster tails...
  • Live-in Maid A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. They hired a lovely lass for the job. She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat. One day...
  • The Cursing Nun This guy unexpectedly got the day off and decided he would spend it on the golf course. After arriving at the club house, he was told that the only way he could play today was if he was willing to play along with three nuns...
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT