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    If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
    If you don`t, you are not a man
    If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
    If you don`t, you are good for nothing

    If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
    If you don`t, you are not understanding

    If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
    If you don`t, she accuses you of double-crossing

    If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
    If you don`t, you are a dull boy

    If you are jealous, she says it`s bad
    If you don`t, she thinks you do not love her

    If you attempt a romance, she says you didn`t respect her
    If you don`t, she thinks you do not like her

    If you are a minute late, she complains it`s hard to wait
    If she is late, she says that`s a girl`s way

    If you visit another man, you`re not putting in "quality time"
    If she is visited by another woman, "oh it`s natural, we are girls"

    If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
    If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage

    If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
    If you do, she thinks it`s just one of men`s tactics for seduction

    If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
    If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring

    If you talk, she wants you to listen
    If you listen, she wants you to talk

    In short:
    So simple, yet so complex
    So weak, yet so powerful
    So confusing, yet so desirable
    So damning, yet so wonderful... WOMEN!
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    3. Become attracted to someone because...
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    a) Lovemaking
    b) Screwing
    c) The pigskin bus pulling into...
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    The old woman said, 'We will go to all the same places that we did on our first honeymoon.'
    'Uh huh,' said the...
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