Wife`s contractions !

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    Santa spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
    "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.
    "No, you idiot!" Santa shouted. "This is her husband!"
  • Birthday bash ! A 100-year-old man was having a big birthday party at the nursing home. A TV crew was there to interview the man on this special day.
    'Please tell our audience how you managed to live so...
  • Change the oil ! It was the stir of the town when an 80 year old man married a 20 year old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying 'This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?'
    He answered ' You`ve got to keep...
  • Some have toys! Two poor kids were invited by a rich kid to a swimming party at his pool. When they were changing into their swim trunks, one turned to the other and said: 'Did you notice the small..
  • Getting lucky ? Hal is petrified of girls, so he asks his friend Lenny how he meets so many nice chicks.
    Lenny says, 'I have a surefire method to feel them out. I go up behind a girl and whisper, `Tickle your ass with a feather?`
  • The wrong button! Santa traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility, but each time he tried, it was occupied.
    The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendants` ladies room but cautioned him not to press any of the...
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