I dreamt I went to heaven in my....

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    I dreamt last night that I went to Heaven, and I met St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. I asked him that since I had just arrived in Heaven if I could take a look around the place.
    St. Peter agreed, and even came along with me to show me around. We went a ways, until we met President Clinton, tied to one of the most ugliest beasts you could ever, ever imagine. It was nearly human, probably about 95 years old, 5 inch thick glasses, grease just dripping off its body, muttering every now and then like a sick crow.
    We asked Willie why he was chained to this awful creature. Willie replied: "Well, when I used to live on Earth, I committed a number of sins, and now I`m chained to this really ugly old thing as penance." We wished President Clinton the best of luck, and moved on.
    A while later we met with none other than Elvis Presley, the King of Rock, and he was tied to another of the most ugliest creatures you could imagine, even worse than the first one. We asked Mr. Presley why he was chained to such an ugly thing. The King replies: "Well, when I used to live on Earth, I committed a number of sins, and now I have to live with this ugly old monster for awhile as penance." We wished the King the best of luck, and moved on.
    After a while we met up with Bill Gates, the president of Microsoft. Bill Gates just so happened to be chained to one of the most gorgeous, luscious, and sexiest women you could ever imagine, long blonde hair, blue eyes, long limbs, and a beautiful figure.
    So, we asked him why they were chained to each other like that. The woman answered first: "When I used to live on Earth, I committed a number of sins..."
  • The sex maniac? Old farmer comes running across field screaming. Farmers wife was at kitchen window wondering what the hell was going on.
    He rushes in house and says 'Susan get in bed, I got a hard...
  • The Ultimate Doctors Note... The medics rushed Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to ICU, where therapy continued. After a couple of days, Mr. Steinberg’s physician comes into his room and says...
  • Men are like....... Men are like.....Placemats. They only show up when there`s food on the table.
    Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the...
  • Caught in the dark! 'Daddy, are you scared of the dark?'
    'No son, who told you I was frightened...
  • Don t have time to read books Browsing in a bookstore, a woman found a book she knew would please a friend. As she was about to hand it to the clerk, she noticed that the jacket was soiled.
    'Isn t this a little dirty?' she...
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