VENTRILOQUIST COWBOY

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    A ventriloquist cowboy walked into town and saw a rancher sitting on his porch with his dog:
    Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?"
    Rancher: "This dog don`t talk!"
    Cowboy: "Hey dog, how`s it going?"
    Dog: "Doin alright"
    Rancher: (Extreme look of shock)
    Cowboy: "Is this your owner? (pointing at rancher)"
    Dog: "Yep."
    Cowboy: "How`s he treat you?"
    Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
    Rancher: (Look of disbelief)
    Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
    Rancher: "Horses don`t talk!"
    Cowboy: "Hey horse, how`s it goin?"
    Horse: "Cool."
    Rancher: (an even wilder look of shock)
    Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at rancher)
    Horse: "Yep."
    Cowboy: "How`s he treat you?"
    Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
    Rancher: (total look of amazement)
    Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your SHEEP?"
    Rancher: (stuttering, and hardly able to talk) ...... "Th-Th-Them sheep ain`t nothin but liars!!!"
  • Sperm Bank... A guy in a mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shotgun. 'Open the safe,' he yells at the girl behind the counter.
  • Santa Claus` Qs & As ! Q: Why do reindeer have red noses? A: They are not equipped with ABS and thus tend to bump into things on slippery surfaces. This is why Santa is often seen with a red nose (the sleigh doesn`t have an airbag, either).
  • They got my girlfriend, too!!! Santa walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches. 'Can I help you, Sir?'
  • Guide Dog! A blind man was out with his guide dog one day when they stopped to cross the road. The dog promptly pissed on the blind man`s leg. The blind man then put his hand in his pocket and took out a biscuit. He then leaned down to the dog to give him the biscuit.
  • Drown the bastard ! One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of the sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs, the bee entered her vagina. The woman startedscreaming, 'Oh my God, help me, there s a bee in my vagina!'
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