•  

    Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second was an Accountant, the third was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Worker. To show off, the Engineer called to his dog. "T-Square, do your stuff."
    T-Square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
    The Accountant said his dog could do better, and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff."
    Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.
    The Chemist said his dog could do better still, so he called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff."
    Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was great.
    The Government Worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff!"
    Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, dumped on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home on sick leave. Everyone agreed that was really typical
  • Chinese Torture ! A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house. He knocks on the door and is greeted by an old Chinese man with a long grey beard.
    'I`m lost,' said the man, 'Can you put me up for the night?'
    'Certainly,' the Chinese man said, 'but one condition. If you...
  • Three Hymns!! One Sunday, a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money. He asked the people to consider donating a little more than usual and that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns. After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that...
  • Calling Home ! A blonde went into a world wide message centre (PCO) to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $30, she exclaimed: 'I don`t have any money. But I`d do...
  • Pissed off ! Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, `I`m so pissed off!` `Oh yeah? What happened?` asked the bartender politely.
    `See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back home, and we stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when...
  • Golf course ! Three men, a Jewish man, a Catholic man, and a Mormon man, were having drinks at the bar following a business meeting.
    The Jewish man, bragging about his virility, said, `I have four sons. One more and I`ll have a...
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT