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Santa was hunting in Bhatinda recently, when he attempted to cross a fence into a field to retrieve a pigeon he had shot. A farmer came and asked Santa what he was doing on his property.
"Retrieving this pigeon that I just shot", he replied.
"That pigeon is on my side of the fence, so now its mine," replied the farmer. Santa asked the farmer if he recognized who he was talking to.
"No", replied the farmer, "I don`t know, and I don`t care."
"I am Santa, a famous lawyer from Ludhiana", came the reply. And if you don`t let me get that pigeon, I can sue you for your farm, your tractor, and everything else you own. I`ll leave you penniless on the street."
"Well," said the farmer, "In Bhatinda the only law we go by is the kicks law."
"Never heard of it," said Santa.
The farmer said, "I get to kick you 3 times, and if you make it back to your feet and are able to kick me back 3 times, that pigeon is yours."
Santa thought this over. He grew up in a tough neighborhood and figured he could take this old farmer.
"Fair enough," he said.
So the farmer kicked Santa violently in the groin. As he was doubling over, the farmer kicked him in the face, and when he hit the ground, he kicked him hard in the ribs. After several moments, Santa slowly made it back to his feet.
"Alright, now it`s my turn," said Santa.
"Aw, forget it," said the farmer. "You can have the pigeon."
- Go to hell !! A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him 'What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?'
The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, 'A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.'
Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment... - Feels like rubber... A lawyer walks into a bar and sits down next to a drunk who is closely examining something held in his fingers. The lawyer watches the drunk for a while till he finally gets curious enough to ask what it is.
'Well,' said the drunk, 'it looks like plastic and feels like rubber.'
'Let me have it,' said the lawyer and... - Not finished yet ! A drunk walks into a crowded bar and takes the last barstool next to an older woman. After awhile, the woman starts to smell this horrible odor coming from the direction of the drunk.
She turns to him and says, 'Excuse me Mister, but did you just... - Escaping Banta ! Banta came into the bar, with a big scowl on his face, and ordered a drink.
The bartender says, 'You look a mite angry. What`s wrong?'
Banta says, 'Well, I was in bed with this gal, and we heard her husband coming in, so I jumped out the window and held on to the window sill. He came over to the window and saw me, and... - Accident ! Santa and Banta driving on a street, in different directions. Out of some unfortunate mishap, the cars slammed into each other, head-on. They were able to get out of their cars without any serious injury, but the cars were totaled.
Before Santa could say anything, Banta said...