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Santa, a small town prosecuting attorney, called his first witness to the stand in a trial - a grandmotherly, elderly woman.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Kapoor, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Santa. I`ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you`ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you`re a rising big shot when you haven`t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
Santa was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Kapoor, do you know Banta, the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I`ve known Banta since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He`s lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can`t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."
Banta was also surprised and shocked. At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence and called Santa and Banta to the bench.
In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, you`ll be jailed for contempt."
- Cab Driver A taxi passenger tapped the driver, Santa, on the shoulder to ask him a question. Santa screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then Santa said... - Hearing aid ! Santa realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money.
'How much do they run?' he asked the clerk.
'That depends,' said the salesman. 'They run from Rs 20 to Rs 2,000.'
'Let`s see the... - Screwdriver ! The limousine was taking the beautiful raven-haired model to the airport.
Halfway there, the front tire went flat.
The model said, 'Driver, I don`t have time to wait for road service. Can you change it yourself?'
The driver said... - Novice hunter A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with.
Finally, the uncle had an idea. 'Why don`t you... - Where`s the Money? The mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were `protecting`. Feeling the heat from the police force, they decided to use a deaf person for this job - if he were to get caught, he wouldn`t be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.
Well, on his first week...