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The out-of-state couple are camping on the shores of a lake near a tiny hamlet. The young wife, stunningly built, decides to give the local town folk a thrill by sun bathing in the nude.
"That`s okay with me, honey," says her husband. "I`ll go get some wood for the fire."
About thirty minutes later, the husband returns to the campsite and finds his wife in tears. One of her breasts has been painted green, the other red and her bottom is blue.
"What on earth happened to you dear?" he asks.
"Some of those rednecks from town came over and told me they don`t allow any nakedness around these parts. Then they gave me this paint job!"
"Those troublemakers! I`ll fix them!" the husband shouts.
He rides into town and finds the rednecks in a bar.
"Who is the jerk who painted my wife red, green and blue!" he shouts.
A huge man, about 6` 8", steps forward, a shotgun in his hands.
"I did it," he bellows.
"What you got to say about it?"
The husband answers meekly, "I just wanted you to know the first coat of paint is dry."
- Cold water! A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather and while eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he noticed a film-like substance on his plate. So he says, 'Grandfather, are these plates clean?'
His grandfather replies, 'Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and... - Recruiting! One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR Director was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.
'Welcome to Heaven,' said St. Peter.
'Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we`ve never once had a Human Resources Director make it this far and we`re not really sure what... -
Guard dog! Banta and his wife, Preeto, lived in a town filled with crime. After three of their neighbors` houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.
So Preeto went to the pet store and said, 'I need a good guard dog.'
The clerk replied, 'Sorry, we`re all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But, he... - The Australian way A woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he is still a virgin. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian outback.
They end up getting married. On their wedding night... - Expecting!! A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend. 'You see,' he explained, 'my wife`s expecting.'
'Oh...' said the Officer, 'I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck.'
The following week the same soldier was back again with the...