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    One Friday, there were 3 nuns riding on a mountain road. They were coming around a turn when a semi rammed into them head on killing them instantly. They were coming to the gates of heaven and noticed a sign that said "Closed for Remodeling".
    One nun knocked on the gates and out came St. Peter. He said, "What are you doing here! No one is supposed to be here! We are closed for the weekend for remodeling!"
    The one nun said, "Well, we`re dead and we can`t go back."
    "Alright," said St. Peter. "What we are going to do is send you back for the weekend as whoever you wish to be and then we`ll accept you back into Heaven," exclaimed St. Peter as he looks at the first nun.
    "Okay, who do you want to be?" he asks the nun.
    "Well, I thought her life was very interesting especially since she gave her life to God, so I want to be Joan of Arc."
    Poof! The first nun becomes Joan of Arc.
    "Okay, You`re next," as her looks at the second nun, "Who do you want to be?"
    "Well, I thought her life was very interesting and she died a tragic death, so I want to become Marilyn Monroe," pronounces the second nun.
    Poof! The second nun becomes Marilyn Monroe.
    "Okay, who do you want to be?" St. Peter says to the third nun. "I want to be Alice Kapipelean."
    "Excuse me?!?" confusingly asks St. Peter.
    "I want to be Alice Kapipelean!" exclaims the nun.
    St. Peter replies, "Pardon me Sister, we have no record of any Alice Kapipelean being on earth," explains St. Peter.
    "There is TOO an Alice Kapipelean and I have proof right HERE!!!" shouts the nun.
    St. Peter takes the news article and read it. "Oh my, Sister. You have misread this article. This article says that the Alaska Pipeline was laid by 500 men in six months."
  • Judgement granted One evening after attending a theater, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed lady walking just ahead of them. One of the men turned to the other and said, 'I`d give fifty bucks to spend the night with that woman.'
    To their surprise, the young lady overheard their remarks, and turning around she said, 'I`ll just take you up on that.'
    She had a neat...
  • Radio Cometition One of the FM stations has a competition where they ring someone up, ask them three personal questions, ring their spouse or partner, ask them the same three questions, if the answers are the same, the couple win an overseas holiday. Last week the competition went like this:
    Presenter: Hey its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game ?
    Shane: Yeah, sure.
    Presenter: O.K., Question 1 - When was the last time you had sex...
  • Condom factory 'Our largest condom factory has exploded,' the American President cried. 'My people`s favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!'
    'Mr. Bush, the Russian people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you,' replied Putin.
    'I do need your help' said Mr. Bush.
    'Could you send 1,000,000 condoms...
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    The bartender looked up and said, 'You ain`t from around here, are you? Where are you from, boy?'
    The guy said...
  • We have everything A young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted.
    At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class.
    She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, 'Oh miss, oh miss!' with his...
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