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    For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he`d finally managed an affair with the innkeeper`s daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short.
    There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!
    "Helen, why didn`t you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried.
    "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"
    "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin` and talkin` and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
  • Rubbing!! A married man goes to confessional and says to the priest, 'Father, I had an affair with a woman... almost.'
    'What do you mean almost?' question the priest.
    'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
    'Rubbing together is the same as putting...
  • Judgement granted One evening after attending a theater, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed lady walking just ahead of them. One of the men turned to the other and said, 'I`d give fifty bucks to spend the night with that woman.'
    To their surprise, the young lady overheard their remarks, and turning around she said, 'I`ll just take you up on that.'
    She had a neat...
  • Radio Cometition One of the FM stations has a competition where they ring someone up, ask them three personal questions, ring their spouse or partner, ask them the same three questions, if the answers are the same, the couple win an overseas holiday. Last week the competition went like this:
    Presenter: Hey its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game ?
    Shane: Yeah, sure.
    Presenter: O.K., Question 1 - When was the last time you had sex...
  • Condom factory 'Our largest condom factory has exploded,' the American President cried. 'My people`s favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!'
    'Mr. Bush, the Russian people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you,' replied Putin.
    'I do need your help' said Mr. Bush.
    'Could you send 1,000,000 condoms...
  • Taxidermist! A guy walked into a bar in Alabama and ordered a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looked up, expecting to see some pitiful yankee queer.
    The bartender looked up and said, 'You ain`t from around here, are you? Where are you from, boy?'
    The guy said...
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