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Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband.
Not able to handle being alone, she decides to kill herself and join him in death. She starts to think about quick and easy ways, and remembers abouther husband`s old Army pistol. With that thought, she decides to shoot herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken anyway.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden on one of her children, she decides to call her doctor`s and inquire as to just exactly where the heart could be found on a woman.
Her doctor advises her that it could be found just below her left breast.
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gun shot wound to her knee.
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Landing problem!! Santa and Banta were sitting in a bar getting really drunk. After a while, just drinking gets boring, so Santa looks at the Banta and says, 'Hey, you want to go up for a ride in my airplane?'
Banta says, 'Wow, you have an airplane? Let`s go!'
So they get some more beer and go for... - Where is Jesus? A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred for real. He asked his class, 'Where is Jesus today?'
Steven raised his hand and said, 'He`s in heaven.'
Mary was called on and answered... - Time Sheets An accountant dies and goes to heaven.
He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name.
After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, 'I`m sorry I wasn`t here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to... - Family business Once there was a Accountant. The business had been in the family for generations and generations. Over time, with the countless clients that had gone in and out of the office, the marble step in front of the building had developed a big, deep dip in it from all the wear and tear.
His friends kept telling the accountant that he had better get it replaced, otherwise he`d... - Speeding ticket A guy is speeding down a highway and he gets pulled over. The cop says, 'You were speeding.'
The guy says, 'No I wasn`t, I was just going slow.'
The guy`s wife in the Passenger seat says, 'No officer, He was speeding the whole time.'
The guy glares at his wife and says...