Praise the Lord!

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    An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"
    Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain`t no Lord!!"
    Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!"
    The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD."
    The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn`t."
    The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. PRAISE THE LORD!"
  • Smart painter Santa was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house.
    'You did a great job.' he said and handed the man a check.
    'Also, in order to thank-you, here`s an extra Five hundred rupees to take the Mrs out to dinner and a movie.'
    Later that night...
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    A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of...
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    Santa was stunned. 'Why? What happened, you two seem so happy together'
    'Well' he said, 'ever since we got married, Preeto has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking, running around at all hours of the night and...
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    The Lieutenant was partnered with the Colonel`s wife and vice versa.
    After many hands, the Lieutenant excused himself to use...
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