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A young girl comes home to her mother's house and informs her that she is engaged to be married.
She says, "Mother, he's wonderful. He's rich beyond our wildest dreams. He has homes in the south of France, Beverly Hills, New York, and about a dozen other cities. He has a 200 ft yacht, Ferraris, Rolls Royces, and a jet airplane. There is only one problem....he says he really likes anal sex, and I know how you feel about that"
The mother says, "Well I don't know dear. I'm only thinking of your happiness. I'm not sure a man like this will make you happy".
The daughter replies, "Yes but if I marry him, you will never want for another thing as long as you live."
The mother considers this and finally agrees to allow them to marry.
They are married shortly thereafter and go off to their honeymoon. During their honeymoon the mother receives a new house, a new car, and a sizeable pension every month from her new son-in-law.
Six months later the daughter returns from her honeymoon and she is mad as hell. She fumes, kicks furniture and swears she wants a divorce. Her mother asks her why she is so angry.
"Mother, I want a divorce. The man is an animal. All he ever wants is anal sex. All day, every day. It's constant. Mother do you know that before I was married, my sphincter was the size of a penny, and now it's as big as a silver dollar!"
The mother considers this for a minute and says, "I think you should reconsider dear. Do you really want me to give all this up for a measly 99 cents?"
- Spitting Banta! Banta was sitting on a park bench muttering to himself and spitting. He would mutter, then spit, mutter, then spit, he would say, 'Damn, that son of a bitch can drive', then spit, 'Damn, that son of a bitch can drive', then spit, 'Damn that son of a bitch can drive', then spit.
Santa sits down next to him and asks... - Night of pleasure A man wants to introduce his nephew to the game of sex. The young man is worried that he might not do it right so his uncle comes up with a plan.
The young man will get a hooker, wine her and dine her, then take her back to his apartment for a night of pleasure. The uncle will be in the bedroom closet so if the boy has a problem, he can shout it out, and from the closet will come the... - Body heat! An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, 'My hands are freezing cold.'
The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up.'
So the daughter did and her hands warmed up.
The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend and he said... -
The Marathon Man A guy and his manager go down to the docks. The manager is betting every docker he sees that his guy can make love to 100 women in a row, without pausing, and satisfy them all.
Bets are made, and they agree that they'll meet the next day. The next day... - Turn on the heat! There once was a conservative college in the mid-west that had a standing rule, the heat was not to be turned on in the dormitories (hostel) prior to a certain date.
Unfortunately, one year, winter decided to rear its ugly head early. Students in both the men's and women's dormitories complained about the bitter cold, but...