-
An army soldier went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair of glasses.
The Captain looked in his book of record and said, "But you just got a new pair last month!"
"Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b..broken in an accident," stammered the soldier.
"Accident, what kind of an accident?"
The Captain looked in his book of Accident definitions and glossaries, "Road-march accident, Firing Range accident, PT accident, Drill accident?"
"No, no nothing of those..." said the soldier.
"Well then, what is it?"
"I'd rather not tell you sir..."
"Well, no satisfactory explanations, no new glasses," said the medical officer, ready to stand up, "I've to see other patients too."
"No, no sir wait, I broke them when I was kissing my girl," blurted the soldier.
"Don't be daft man, how could you break your glasses kissing a girl?"
"You see, she crossed her legs....."
- Rusty old thing! This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat.
His wife said, 'Where are you going ?'
He said, 'I'm going to the doctor.'
And she said, 'Why? Are you sick?'
'No,' he said. 'I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra... - Natural hair! 'Miss Veronica, we can't employ you as a model,' the editor from the men's magazine explained.
'Why?'
'It's too obvious that your blonde hair isn't natural, since the hair between your legs.. - Garment model! Two executives working in the garment center are having lunch together.Frist executive says, 'Last week was one of the worst weeks of my entire life.'
'What happened?' asks second executive.
First one moans, 'My wife and I... - Kill me! Two bums were sitting on a street curb, bored as ever.
Then, one of them got an idea, saying 'I know, let's play swords!'
'Play swords?' asked the other.
'How?'
'Simple. Whip it out, smack it till it's hard, and... - AIDS cure! A man walks in to a doctors office and says, 'Doctor you must help me. I have AIDS.'
The doctor replies, 'Are you gay?'
The man answers, Yes.'
The doctor says, 'I think I can help. Go to the grocery store, buy a...