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    Banta was walking down the street when a little kid covered in soot said to him respectfully, "Sir, can you tell me the time?"
    Banta stopped, carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket, removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, "It is a quarter to three, young man."
    "Thanks," said the boy. "At exactly three o'clock you can kiss my ass."
    With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry, the outraged Banta started chasing him. He had not been running long when Santa stopped him.
    "Why are you running like this?" asked Santa. Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, Banta said, "That little b@st#rd asked me the time and when I told him it was quarter to three he told me that at exactly three, I should kiss his ass!" "So what's your hurry," said Santa. "You still have ten minutes."
  • Crazy pervert! Crazy pervert! An Eastern newspaper correspondent had just arrived in an old Western town when he noticed a curious lack of women.
    Walking into the local saloon he asked a local, 'What do you fellows do around here for entertainment?'
    'You mean...
  • Castration!!! Banta goes to a doctor and says, 'Doc, I want to be castrated.'
    Doc says, 'Look, I don't know what kind of cult you're into or what your motives are, but I'm not going to do that sort of operation.'
    Banta requested, 'Doc, I just want to be castrated, and I'm a little embarrassed about talking about it, but I...
  • Horniest rooster! A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster, one that could service all of his many hens. He told this to the market vendor.
    The vendor replied...
  • How's your day been? This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks. One in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender.
    The bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't...
  • Repairing condom! A Scottish private walks into the pharmacy near his bases, pulls a beat-up, mutilated condom out of his pocket, and asks the pharmacist how much it would cost to repair the condom.
    The pharmacist replied that including replacing the band and spot welding...
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