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A newlywed sailor is informed by the navy that he’s going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the South Pacific for 2 years. A few weeks after he gets there he really starts to miss his new wife, so he writes her a letter.
"My darling," he writes, "it looks like we’re going to be apart for a very long time. Already I’m starting to miss you and we’re constantly surrounded by young, attractive native girls. The temptation’s terrible. I need some kind of hobby to keep my mind off them."
His wife sends him back a harmonica with a note reading, "Why don’t you learn to play this?"
Eventually his tour of duty comes to an end and he rushes back to his wife.
"Darling" he says, "I can’t wait to get you into bed so that we can make passionate love!"
But she stops him with a wave of her hand. "First, let’s see how well you play that harmonica."
- Finding Jesus! A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to stumble down into the water and stands next to the Minister.
The Minister turns, notices the old drunk and says, 'Mister, are you ready to... - Biggest lie! A minister passed a group of teenaged boys sitting on the church lawn.
'Good Evening, boys. What are you doing?'
'Nothing much, Pastor,' replied the one lad. 'We're just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about his sex life.'
'Boys, boys, boys... - Delicious gift! Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.
The first said, 'I built a big house for our Mother.'
The second said, 'I sent her a... - Fishing licenses! Three blonde fishermen are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water.
A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, 'Excuse me, I'd like to see your fishing licenses.'
'We... -
Dead horses! The Major went out to find that none of his soldiers were there. One finally ran up, sweating heavily.
'Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but...