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Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time.
After inquiring about each other's health one asked how the other's husband was doing.
"Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!"
"Oh dear! I'm very sorry." replied her friend "What did you do?"
"Opened a can of peas instead."
- Just a second! A man was wandering in the woods, pondering all the mysteries of life and his own personal problems. The man couldn't find the answers, so he sought help from God
'God? You there, God?' he asked.
'Yes. What is it, my son?' God answered.
'Mind if I.. - Finding Jesus! A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to stumble down into the water and stands next to the Minister.
The Minister turns, notices the old drunk and says, 'Mister, are you ready to... - Biggest lie! A minister passed a group of teenaged boys sitting on the church lawn.
'Good Evening, boys. What are you doing?'
'Nothing much, Pastor,' replied the one lad. 'We're just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about his sex life.'
'Boys, boys, boys... - Delicious gift! Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.
The first said, 'I built a big house for our Mother.'
The second said, 'I sent her a... - Fishing licenses! Three blonde fishermen are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water.
A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, 'Excuse me, I'd like to see your fishing licenses.'
'We...