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Santa and Banta are playing golf one hot Sunday afternoon. While approaching the sixteenth hole, they notice an old golfer teeing up by himself.
They stop and wait for the older golfer to finish his hole. After the old man drives the ball a considerable distance down the fairway, he collapses on the green.
Santa and Banta run up the fellow to help. After feeling the old man's pulse, Banta tells Santa to run to the club house and call emergency.
Santa leaves and returns about two minutes later after making the call. Upon returning Santa, sees the old man naked and bent over a nearby bench and Banta is screwing the unconscious man vigorously.
Santa in astonishment says, "Hey, What are you doing? I thought you were going to give him CPR."
Banta replies, "Well, it started off that way."
- Italian vacation You must use an Italian accent for this joke to work:
One Day Ima go to Detroit to a Bigga Otel, I go down to eata breakfast, I tella waitress, I wanna two pisses of toast. She brings me only one piss.
I tella her I wanta two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say to her you no understand, I wanna two piss on my... - Thirty erections! A man is having problems with his penis, which certainly had seen better times.
He consults a doctor who, after a couple of tests, says, 'Sorry, but you've overdone it the last thirty years. Your penis is burned out. You only have... - Speech impediment There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment. One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store.
He went up to the shop assistant and asked 'Could I have a fucket please?'
The assistant asked, 'Pardon sir?'
'Can I have a fucket please?' Replied the man.
'Oh you mean... - Honeymoon!!! The old couple were planning to go on a second honeymoon for their 50th wedding anniversary.
The old woman said, 'We will go to all the same places that we did on our first honeymoon.'
'Uh huh,' said the old man.
'We will do... - Pregnant! A seventeen-year-old girl goes to see her mom and tells her that she has missed her period for two months.
Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says...