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    Little Johnny came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigormortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why is his legs sticking in the air?"

    His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."

    "That's great," said little Johnny.

    A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"

    "What do you mean?" said Dad.

    "Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
  • Service Charges A young farm girl answers the door and sees Santa.

    Girl, 'My father isn't home, but I know what you want and I can help you. You want our bull to service your cow. Well, my father charges...
  • At The Circus 'Mommy, what's that long thing on the elephant?' he asked.
    'That's the elephant's trunk, dear,' she replied.
    'No, not that. What's that long thing that's hanging between...
  • Homesick! Finally, Santa gave in to temptation and visited the local brothel on the outskirts of town. He entered and handed the madam thousand rupees and requested, 'Can you give me the worst performing, most...
  • Fu@king ants A priest comes out of the church to find Little Johnny sitting on the steps killing ants by smashing them with his thumb, saying, 'Fucking ants,' with each...
  • Well equipped Interviewer, 'So, Mr. Jones, what are you going to do with these children on this adventure holiday?'
    'We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and...
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