| When he reached the pearly gates and knocked, St. Peter asked "Who is it?" Clinton said, "It`s me, Bill Clinton." Peter asked, "Have you done anything wrong that I should know about?" Clinton said, "I smoked pot once, but you can`t hold it against me because I did not inhale. I was unfaithful to my wife, but you cannot hold it against me because I didn`t have sex. I lied, but you can`t hold it against me because I didn`t commit perjury." Peter said "Well we are going to send you to a place, but we`re not going to call it Hell. You are going to stay there for a while, but we are not going to call it eternity." |
| Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone could give him an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers "If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy." "No," Clinton says, "that would be an ACCIDENT." A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off cliff, killing everyone involved ... that would be a tragedy." "I m afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS." The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer. "What ?" asks Clinton, "Isn`t there anyone who can give an example of a tragedy?" Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, THAT would be a tragedy." "Wonderful! " Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" "Well ," says the boy, " because it wouldn t be an accident and it certainly wouldn`t be a great loss!" |
| Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy." Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy". Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy." Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy". |
| An American and A Russian were arguing about the virtues of communism and democracy. "Come on man!" said the American, "In a democracy you get to express your views. You have freedom. You know, I can anyday call President Bush an idiot!" "What s so great about that," said the unimpressed Russian "so can I!" |