Clean Jokes



Don't Mess With Old People

An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. He approached the receptionist desk. The receptionist was...

Will I Live To See 80?

I recently my primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, she said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn`t resist asking her, "Do you think...

Paranoid Personality Disorder

A man was lying on the psychiatrist`s couch as his therapist addressed him. "Well, Jim. I`m pleased to announce that this will be our final session. I believe that you finally are cured of your paranoia...

The Veterinarian-Taxidermist

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist. Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve...

Passing Too Much Gas

A Ballerina goes to the doctor, "Doc I am having terrible trouble with the most awful wind. Every time I pirouette I fart," she cries.
"Hmmm," says the Doctor, "I`d like to see that...

Revenge of the Nurse

A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the policeman kept feeling something pulling at his pubic hair...

Second Appendix?

Doctors are used to getting calls at any hour. One night a man phoned his doctor, waking him up.
"I`m really sorry to bother you so late," he said, "but I think my wife has appendicitis...

Being Obese

A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem.
As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed, "I`m so ashamed, Doctor...

You Got Off Lucky

An elderly Jewish man is bumped by a car while crossing the street. He is seemingly unhurt, but his wife persuades him to go to the doctor, just in case. He returns home, and his wife says...

Cost of Anesthesia

Margie received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery, and was astonished to see a $900 fee for the anesthesiologist. She called his office to demand an explanation. "Is this some kind of mistake...